From: Subject: Annie Hall Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2003 12:55:35 -0500 MIME-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/html; charset="Windows-1252" Content-Transfer-Encoding: quoted-printable Content-Location: http://www.godamongdirectors.com/scripts/anniehall.shtml X-MimeOLE: Produced By Microsoft MimeOLE V5.50.4522.1200 Annie Hall [an error occurred while processing this = directive]

ANNIE HALL

written by

Woody Allen

Marshall Brickman

(Sound and Woody Allen monologue begin)

FADE IN:

White credits dissolve in and out on black screen.  No sound.

									FADE OUT: credits

FADE IN:

Abrupt medium close-up of Alvy Singer doing a comedy monologue.  He
wearing a crumbled sports jacket and tieless shirt; the background is =
stark.

					ALVY        =20
			There's an old joke.  Uh, two elderly=20
			women are at a Catskills mountain=20
			resort, and one of 'em says: "Boy, the=20
			food at this place is really terrible."=20
			The other one says, "Yeah, I know, and=20
			such ... small portions." Well, that's=20
			essentially how I feel about life.  Full=20
			of loneliness and misery and suffering=20
			and unhappiness, and it's all over much=20
			too quickly.  The-the other important=20
			joke for me is one that's, uh, usually=20
			attributed to Groucho Marx, but I think=20
			it appears originally in Freud's wit and=20
			its relation to the unconscious.  And it=20
			goes like this-I'm paraphrasing: Uh ...=20
			"I would never wanna belong to any club=20
			that would have someone like me for a=20
			member." That's the key joke of my adult=20
			life in terms of my relationships with=20
			women.  Tsch, you know, lately the=20
			strangest things have been going=20
			through my mind, 'cause I turned forty,=20
			tsch, and I guess I'm going through a=20
			life crisis or something, I don't know.=20
			I, uh ... and I'm not worried about aging. =20
			I'm not one o' those characters, you know.=20
			Although I'm balding slightly on top, that's=20
			about the worst you can say about me.  I,=20
			uh, I think I'm gonna get better as I get=20
			older, you know?  I think I'm gonna be the-
			the balding virile type, you know, as=20
			opposed to say the, uh, distinguished=20
			gray, for instance, you know?  'Less I'm=20
			neither o' those two. Unless I'm one o'=20
			those guys with saliva dribbling out of=20
			his mouth who wanders into a cafeteria=20
			with a shopping bag screaming about=20
			socialism.=20
				(Sighing)=20
			Annie and I broke up and I-I still can't=20
			get my mind around that.  You know, I-I=20
			keep sifting the pieces of the relationship=20
			through my mind and-and examining my life=20
			and tryin' to figure out where did the=20
			screw-up come, you know, and a year ago we=20
			were... tsch, in love.  You know, and-and-and=20
			... And it's funny, I'm not-I'm not a=20
			morose type.  I'm not a depressive character. =20
			I-I-I, uh,=20
				(Laughing)=20
			you know, I was a reasonably happy kid,=20
			I guess.  I was brought up in Brooklyn=20
			during World War II.

									CUT TO:

INT. DOCTOR'S OFFICE-DAY

Alvy as young boy sits on a sofa with his  mother in an old-fashioned,=20
cluttered doctor's office.  The doctor stands near the sofa, holding a=20
cigarette and listening.

					MOTHER=20
				(To the doctor)=20
			He's been depressed.  All off a sudden,=20
			he can't do anything.

					DOCTOR=20
				(Nodding)=20
			Why are you depressed, Alvy?
=20
					MOTHER=20
				(Nudging Alvy)=20
			Tell Dr. Flicker.=20
				(Young Alvy sits, his head down.  His=20
				mother answers for him)=20
			It's something he read.

					DOCTOR=20
				(Puffing on his cigarette and=20
				nodding)=20
			Something he read, huh? =20

					ALVY=20
				(His head still down)=20
			The universe is expanding.

					DOCTOR=20
			The universe is expanding?

					ALVY=20
				(Looking up at the doctor)=20
			Well, the universe is everything, and if=20
			it's expanding, someday it will break apart=20
			and that would be the end of everything!

Disgusted, his mother looks at him.

					MOTHER=20
				(shouting)=20
			What is that your business?=20
				(she turns back to the doctor)=20
			He stopped doing his homework.

					ALVY=20
			What's the point?

					MOTHER=20
				(Excited, gesturing with her hands)=20
			What has the universe got to do with it? =20
			You're here in Brooklyn!  Brooklyn is not=20
			expanding!

					DOCTOR=20
				(Heartily, looking down at Alvy)=20
			It won't be expanding for billions of years=20
			yet, Alvy.  And we've gotta try to enjoy=20
			ourselves while we're here.  Uh?

He laughs.

									CUT TO:

Fall shot of house with an amusement-park roller-coaster ride built over =
it.=20
A line of cars move up and then slides with great speed while out the =
window=20
of the house a band shakes a dust mop.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			My analyst says I exaggerate my childhood=20
			memories, but I swear I was brought up=20
			underneath the roller-

									CUT TO:

INT. HOUSE

Alvy as a child sits at the table eating soup and reading a comic book =
while=20
his father sits on the sofa reading the paper.  The house shakes with =
every=20
move of the roller coaster.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			-coaster in the Coney Island section of=20
			Brooklyn.  Maybe that accounts for my=20
			personality, which is a little nervous, I=20
			think.

CUT TO:

Young Alvy at the food-stand concession watching three military men=20
representing the Army, the Navy and the Marines arm in arm with a blond =
woman=20
in a skirted bathing suit.  They all turn and run toward the foreground. =
 The=20
girl stops before the camera to lean over and throw a kiss.  The sign =
over the=20
concession reads "Steve's Famous Clam Bar.  Ice Cold Beer, "and the =
roller=20
coaster is moving in full gear in the background.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			You know, I have a hyperactive imagination. =20
			My mind tends to jump around a little, and=20
			have some trouble between fantasy and reality.

									CUT TO:

Full shot of people in bumper cars thoroughly enjoying bumping into each =
other=20
as Alvy father stands in the center of the track directing traffic.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			My father ran the bumper-car concession.=20
				(Alvy as a child moves into the frame=20
				driving a bumper car.  He stops as other=20
				cars bombard him.  His father continues=20
				to direct the traffic)=20
			There-there he is and there I am.  But I-I-I-I=20
			used to get my aggression out through those=20
			cars all the time.

Alvy backs up his car off screen.

INT. SCHOOLROOM - DAY

The camera pans over three austere-looking teachers standing in front of =
the=20
blackboard.  The chalk writing on the board changes as each teacher =
lectures.=20
While Alvy speaks, one of the male teachers puts an equation on the =
blackboard.
- "2 X 10 =3D 20 " and other arithmetic formulas.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			I remember the staff at our public=20
			school.  You know, we had a saying, uh,=20
			that "Those who can't do, teach, and=20
			those who can't teach, teach gym." And=20
			...uh, h'h, of course, those who couldn't=20
			do anything, I think, were assigned to=20
			our school.  I must say-

									CUT TO:

A female teacher standing in front of an old-fashioned schoolroom.  The=20
blackboard behind her reads "Transportation Administration. The camera =
pans=20
her point of view: a group of young students sitting behind their desks. =
 Alvy=20
as a child sits in a center desk wile all around him there is student =
activity;
there is note-passing, ruler-tapping, nose-picking, gumchewing.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			I always felt my schoolmates were idiots. =20
			Melvyn Greenglass, you know, fat little=20
			face, and Henrietta Farrell, just Miss=20
			Perfect all the time.  And-and Ivan=20
			Ackerman, always the wrong answer.  Always.=20

Ivan stands up behind his desk.

					IVAN=20
			Seven and three is nine.

Alvy hits his forehead with his hand.  Another student glances over at =
him,=20
reacting.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			Even then I knew they were just jerks.=20
				(The camera moves back to the teacher,=20
				who is glaring out at her students)=20
			In nineteen forty-two I had already dis-

As Alvy talks, the camera shows him move from his seat and kiss a young =
girl. =20
She jumps from her seat in disgust, rubbing her cheek, as Alvy moves =
back to=20
his seat.

					1ST GIRL=20
				(Making noises)=20
			Ugh, he kissed me, he kissed me.

					TEACHER=20
				(Off screen)=20
			That's the second time this month!  Step=20
			up here!

As the teacher, really glaring now, speaks, Alvy rises from his seat and =
moves=20
over to her.  Angry, she points with her band while the students turn =
their=20
heads to watch what will happen next.

					ALVY=20
			What'd I do?

					TEACHER=20
			Step up here!

					ALVY=20
			What'd I do?

					TEACHER=20
			You should be ashamed of yourself.

The students, their heads still turned, look back at Alvy, now an adult, =

sitting in the last seat of the second row.

					ALVY (AS ADULT)=20
				(First off screen, then onscreen as=20
				camera moves over to the back of the=20
				classroom)=20
			Why, I was just expressing a healthy sexual=20
			curiosity.

					TEACHER=20
				(The younger, Alvy standing next to her)=20
			Six-year-old boys don't have girls on=20
			their minds.

					ALVY (AS ADULT)=20
				(Still sitting in the back of=20
				the classroom)=20
			I did.=20

The girl the young Alvy kissed turns to the older Alvy, she gestures and =

speaks.

					1ST GIRL=20
			For God's sakes, Alvy, even Freud speaks=20
			of a latency period.

					ALVY (AS ADULT)=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			Well, I never had a latency period.  I=20
			can't help it.

					TEACHER
				(With young, Alvy still at her side)=20
			Why couldn't you have been more like Donald?=20
				(The camera pans over to Donald,=20
				sitting up tall in his seat, then=20
				back to the teacher)=20
			Now, there was a model boy!

					ALVY (AS CHILD)=20
				(Still standing next to the teacher)=20
			Tell the folks where you are today, Donald.

					DONALD=20
			I run a profitable dress company.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			Right.  Sometimes I wonder where my=20
			classmates are today.

The camera shows the full classroom, the students sitting behind their =
desks,=20
the teacher standing in the front of the room.  One at a time, the young =

students rise u from their desks and speak.

					1ST BOY=20
			I'm president of the Pinkus Plumbing Company.

					2ND BOY=20
			I sell tallises.

					3RD BOY=20
			I used to be a heroin addict.  Now I'm a=20
			methadone addict.=20

					2ND GIRL=20
				I'm into leather.

INT. ROOM

Close-up of a TV screen showing Alvy as an adult on a talk show.  He =
sits next=20
to the show, host, Dick Cavett, a Navy man sits on his right.  Static is =
heard=20
throughout the dialogue.

					ALVY=20
			I lost track of most of my old schoolmates,=20
			but I wound up a comedian.  They did not take=20
			me in the Army.  I was, uh ... Interestingly=20
			enough, I was-I was four-P.

Sounds of TV audience laughter and applause are heard.

					DICK CAVETT=20
			Four-P?

					ALVY=20
			Yes.  In-in-in-in the event of war, I'm a=20
			hostage.

More audience laughter joined by Dick Cavett and the naval officer.

INT. THE HOUSE WHERE ALVY GREW UP

Alvy's  mother sits at the old-fashioned dining-room table peeling =
carrots and=20
talking as she looks off screen.

					MOTHER=20
			You always only saw the worst in people. =20
			You never could get along with anyone at=20
			school.  You were always outta step with the=20
			world.  Even when you got famous, you still=20
			distrusted the world.'

EXT. MANHATTAN STREET-DAY

A pretty Manhattan street with sidewalk trees, brownstones, a school; =
people=20
mill about, some strolling and carrying bundles, others buried.  The =
screen=20
shows the whole length of the sidewalk, a street, and part of the =
sidewalk=20
beyond.  As the following scene ensues, two pedestrians, =
indistinguishable in=20
the distance, come closer and closer toward the camera, recognizable, =
finally,=20
as Alvy and his best friend, Rob, deep in conversation.  They eventually =
move=20
past the camera and off screen.  Traffic noise is heard in the =
background.

					ALVY=20
			I distinctly heard it.  He muttered under=20
			his breath, "Jew."=20

					ROB=20
			You're crazy!

					ALVY=20
			No, I'm not.  We were walking off the=20
			tennis court, and you know, he was there=20
			and me and his wife, and he looked at her=20
			and then they both looked at me, and under=20
			his breath he said, "Jew."

					ROB=20
			Alvy, you're a total paranoid.

					ALVY=20
			Wh- How am I a paran-?  Well, I pick up on=20
			those kind o' things.  You know, I was=20
			having lunch with some guys from NBC, so=20
			I said ... uh, "Did you eat yet or what?"=20
			and Tom Christie said, "No, didchoo?"=20
			Not, did you, didchoo eat?  Jew?  No, not=20
			did you eat, but Jew eat?  Jew.  You get it? =20
			Jew eat?

					ROB=20
			Ah, Max, you, uh ...

					ALVY=20
			Stop calling me Max.

					ROB=20
			Why, Max?  It's a good name for you.  Max,=20
			you see conspiracies in everything.

					ALVY=20
			No, I don't!  You know, I was in a record=20
			store.  Listen to this -so I know there's=20
			this big tall blond crew-cutted guy and=20
			he's lookin' at me in a funny way and=20
			smiling and he's saying, "Yes, we have a=20
			sale this week on Wagner." Wagner, Max,=20
			Wagner-so I know what he's really tryin'=20
			to tell me very significantly Wagner.=20

					ROB=20
			Right, Max.  California, Max.

					ALVY=20
			Ah.

					ROB=20
			Let's get the hell outta this crazy city.

					ALVY=20
			Forget it, Max.

					ROB=20
			-we move to sunny L.A. All of show business=20
			is out there, Max.

					ALVY
			No, I cannot.  You keep bringing it up, but=20
			I don't wanna live in a city where the only=20
			cultural advantage is that you can make a=20
			right turn on a red light.

					ROB
				(Checking his watch)=20
			Right, Max, forget it.  Aren't you gonna be=20
			late for meeting Annie?

					ALVY=20
			I'm gonna meet her in front of the Beekman. =20
			I think I have a few minutes left.  Right?

EXT. BEEKMAN THEATER-DAY

Alvy stands in front of glass doors of theater, the ticket taker behind =
him=20
just inside the glass doors.  The sounds of city traffic, car horns =
honking,=20
can be heard while he looks around waiting for, Annie. A man in a black =
leather
jacket, walking past the theater, stops in front of, Alvy.  He looks at =
him,=20
then moves away.  He stops a few steps farther and turns around to look =
at Alvy
again.  Alvy looks away, then back at the man.  The man continues to =
stare.=20
Alvy scratches his head, looking for Annie and trying not to notice the =
man.=20
The man, still staring, walks back to Alvy.

					1ST MAN=20
			Hey, you on television?

					ALVY=20
				(Nodding his head)=20
			No. Yeah, once in a while.  You know,=20
			like occasionally.

					1ST MAN=20
			What's your name?

					ALVY=20
				(Clearing his throat)=20
			You wouldn't know it.  It doesn't matter. =20
			What's the difference?

					1ST MAN=20
			You were on ... uh, the ... uh, the Johnny=20
			Carson, right? =20

					ALVY=20
			Once in a while, you know.  I mean, you=20
			know, every now-

					1ST MAN=20
			What's your name?

Alvy  is getting more and more uneasy as the man talks; more and more =
people=20
move through the doors of the theater.

					ALVY=20
				(Nervously)=20
			I'm ... I'm, uh, I'm Robert Redford.=20

					1ST MAN=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Come on.

					ALVY
			Alvy Singer. It was nice nice ... Thanks=20
			very much ... for everything.

They shake hands and Alvy pats the man's arm.  The man in turn looks =
over his=20
shoulder and motions to another man. All excited now, he points to Alvy =
and=20
calls out. Alvy looks impatient.

					1ST MAN=20
			Hey!

					2ND MAN=20
				(Off screen)=20
			What?

					1ST MAN=20
			This is Alvy Singer!

					ALVY=20
			Fellas ... you know-Jesus!  Come on!

					1ST MAN=20
				(Overlapping, ignoring Alvy)=20
			This guy's on television!  Alvy
			Singer, right?  Am I right?

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping 1st man)=20
			Gimme a break, will yuh, gimme a break.
			Jesus Christ!

					1ST MAN=20
				(Still ignoring Alvy's protestations)=20
			This guy's on television.

					ALVY=20
			I need a large polo mallet!

					2ND MAN=20
				(Moving into the screen)=20
			Who's on television?

					1ST MAN
			This guy, on the Johnny Carson show.

					ALVY=20
				(Annoyed)=20
			Fellas, what is this-a meeting o' the=20
			teamsters?  You know.. .

					2ND MAN=20
				(Also ignoring Alvy)=20
			What program?

					1ST MAN=20
				(Holding out a matchbook)=20
			Can I have your autograph?

					ALVY=20
			You don't want my autograph.

					1ST MAN=20
				(Overlapping, Alvy's  speech)=20
			Yeah, I do.  It's for my girl friend. =20
			Make it out to Ralph.

					ALVY=20
				(Taking the matchbook and pen and=20
				writing)=20
			Your girl friend's name is Ralph?

					1ST MAN=20
			It's for my brudder.=20
				(To passersby)=20
			Alvy Singer!  Hey!  This is Alvy-

					2ND MAN=20
				(To Alvy, overlapping 1st man's speech)=20
			You really Alvy Singer, the ... the=20
			TV star?

Nodding his head yes, Alvy shoves 2nd man aside and moves to the curb of =
the=20
sidewalk.  The two men follow, still talking over the traffic noise.

					1ST MAN=20
			-Singer!

					2ND MAN=20
			Alvy Singer over here!

A cab moves into the frame and stops by the curb.  Alvy moves over to it =
about=20
to get in.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping the two men and=20
				stuttering)=20
			I-i-i-i-it's all right, fellas.=20
				(As Alvy opens the cab door, the=20
				two men still behind him, Annie=20
				gets out)=20
			Jesus, what'd you do, come by way of=20
			the Panama Canal?

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping Alvy)=20
			Alright, alright, I'm in a bad mood, okay? =20

Annie closes the cab door and she and Alvy move over to the ticket booth =
of=20
the theater as they continue to talk.

					ALVY=20
			Bad mood?  I'm standing with the cast of=20
			"The Godfather."

					ANNIE=20
			You're gonna hafta learn to deal with it.

					ALVY=20
			Deal!  I'm dealing with two guys named=20
			Cheech!

					ANNIE=20
			Okay.=20
				(They move into the ticket line,=20
				still talking.  A billboard next to=20
				them reads "INGMAR BERGMAN'S 'FACE=20
				TO FACE ,'LIV ULLMANN")=20
			Please, I have a headache, all right?

					ALVY=20
			Hey, you are in a bad mood.  You-you-
			you must be getting your period.

					ANNIE=20
			I'm not getting my period.  Jesus, every=20
			time anything out of the ordinary happens,=20
			you think that I'm getting my period!

They move over to the ticket counter, people in front of them buying =
tickets=20
and walking off screen.

					ALVY=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			A li-little louder.  I think one of them=20
			may have missed it!=20
				(To the ticket clerk)=20
			H'm, has the picture started yet?

					TICKET CLERK=20
			It started two minutes ago.

					ALVY=20
				(Hitting his hand on the counter)=20
			That's it!  Forget it!  I-I can't go in.

					ANNIE=20
			Two minutes, Alvy.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping Annie)
			No, I'm sorry, I can't do it.  We-we've=20
			blown it already. I-you know, uh, I-I=20
			can't go in in the middle.

					ANNIE=20
			In the middle?=20
				(Alvy nods his head yes and let's
				out an exasperated sigh)=20
			We'll only miss the titles.  They're in=20
			Swedish.

					ALVY=20
			You wanna get coffee for two hours or=20
			something?  We'll go next-

					ANNIE=20
			Two hours?  No, u-uh, I'm going in. =20
			I'm going in.=20

She moves past the ticket clerk.

					ALVY=20
				(Waving to Annie)=20
			Go ahead.  Good-bye.=20

Annie moves back to Alvy and takes his arm.

					ANNIE=20
			Look, while we're talking we could be=20
			inside, you know that?

					ALVY=20
				(Watching people with tickets move=20
				past them)=20
			Hey, can we not stand here and argue in=20
			front of everybody, 'cause I get embarrassed.

					ANNIE=20
			Alright.  All right, all right, so whatta=20
			you wanna do?

					ALVY=20
			I don't know now.  You-you wanna go to=20
			another movie?=20
				(Annie nods her head and shrugs=20
				her shoulders disgustedly as Alvy,=20
				gesturing with his band, looks at=20
				her)=20
			So let's go see The Sorrow and the Pity.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, come on, we've seen it.  I'm not in=20
			the mood to see a four-hour documentary=20
			on Nazis.

					ALVY=20
			Well, I'm sorry, I-I can't ... I-I-I've=20
			gotta see a picture exactly from the start=20
			to the finish, 'cause-'cause I'm anal.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing now)=20
			H'h, that's a polite word for what you are.

INT. THEATER LOBBY.

A lined-up crowd of ticket holders waiting to get into the theater, Alvy =
and=20
Annie among them.  A bum of indistinct chatter can be heard through the =
ensuing
scene.

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Loudly to his companion right=20
				behind Alvy and Annie)=20
			We saw the Fellini film last Tuesday. =20
			It is not one of his best.  It lacks a=20
			cohesive structure.  You know, you get=20
			the feeling that he's not absolutely sure=20
			what it is he wants to say.  'Course, I've=20
			always felt he was essentially a-a technical=20
			film maker.  Granted, La Strada was a great=20
			film.  Great in its use of negative energy=20
			more than anything else.  But that simple=20
			cohesive core ...=20

Alvy, reacting to the man's loud monologue, starts to get annoyed, while =
Annie=20
begins to read her newspaper.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping the man's speech)=20
			I'm-I'm-I'm gonna have a stroke.

					ANNIE=20
				(Reading)=20
			Well, stop listening to him.

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Overlapping Alvy and Annie)=20
			You know, it must need to have had its=20
			leading from one thought to another. =20
			You know what I'm talking about?

					ALVY=20
				(Sighing)=20
			He's screaming his opinions in my ear.

					MAN IN LINE=20
			Like all that Juliet of the Spirits or=20
			Satyricon, I found it incredibly ...=20
			indulgent.  You know, he really is.  He's=20
			one of the most indulgent film makers.  He=20
			really is-

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Key word here is "indulgent."

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			-without getting ... well, let's put it=20
			this way ...

					ALVY=20
				(To Annie, who is still reading,=20
				overlapping the man in line who is=20
				still talking)=20
			What are you depressed about?

					ANNIE=20
			I missed my therapy.  I overslept.

					ALVY =20
			How can you possibly oversleep?

					ANNIE=20
			The alarm clock.

					ALVY=20
				(Gasping)=20
			You know what a hostile gesture that is=20
			to me?

					ANNIE=20
			I know-because of our sexual problem,=20
			right?

					ALVY=20
			Hey, you ... everybody in line at the=20
			New Yorker has to know our rate of=20
			intercourse?

					MAN IN LINE
			- It's like Samuel Beckett, you know-
			I admire the technique but he doesn't ...=20
			he doesn't hit me on a gut level.

					ALVY=20
				(To Annie)=20
			I'd like to hit this guy on a gut level.

The man in line continues his speech all the while Alvy and Annie talk.

					ANNIE=20
			Stop it, Alvy!

					ALVY=20
				(Wringing his hands)=20
			Well, he's spitting on my neck!  You know,=20
			he's spitting on my neck when he talks.

					MAN IN LINE=20
			And then, the most important thing of all=20
			is a comedian's vision.

					ANNIE=20
			And you know something else?  You know,=20
			you're so egocentric that if I miss my=20
			therapy you can think of it in terms of=20
			how it affects you!

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Lighting a cigarette while he talks)=20
			Gal gun-shy is what it is.

					ALVY
				(Reacting again to the man in line)=20
			Probably on their first date, right?

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Still going on)=20
			It's a narrow view.

					ALVY
			Probably met by answering an ad in the=20
			New York Review of Books.  "Thirtyish=20
			academic wishes to meet woman who's=20
			interested in Mozart, James Joyce and=20
			sodomy."=20
				(He sighs; then to Annie)=20
			Whatta you mean, our sexual problem?

					ANNIE=20
			Oh!

					ALVY =20
			I-I-I mean, I'm comparatively normal=20
			for a guy raised in Brooklyn.

					ANNIE=20
			Okay, I'm very sorry.  My sexual problem! =20
			Okay, my sexual problem!  Huh?

The man in front of them turns to look at them, then looks away.

					ALVY=20
			I never read that.  That was-that was=20
			Henry James, right?  Novel, uh, the=20
			sequel to Turn of the Screw?  My Sexual ...

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Even louder now)=20
			It's the influence of television.  Yeah,=20
			now Marshall McLuhan deals with it in terms=20
			of it being a-a high, uh, high intensity,=20
			you understand?  A hot medium ... as opposed=20
			to a ...

					ALVY=20
				(More and more aggravated)=20
			What I wouldn't give for a large sock o'=20
			horse manure.

					MAN IN LINE    =20
			... as opposed to a print ...

Alvy steps forward, waving his hands in frustration, and stands facing =
the=20
camera.

					ALVY=20
				(Sighing and addressing the audience)=20
			What do you do when you get stuck in a movie=20
			line with a guy like this behind you?  I mean,=20
			it's just maddening!

The man in line moves toward Alvy.  Both address the audience now.

					MAN IN LINE=20
			Wait a minute, why can't I give my opinion? =20
			It's a free country!

					ALVY=20
			I mean, d- He can give you- Do you hafta=20
			give it so loud?  I mean, aren't you ashamed=20
			to pontificate like that?  And-and the funny=20
			part of it is, M-Marshall McLuhan, you don't
			know anything about Marshall McLuhan's...work!

					MAN IN LINE=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Wait a minute!  Really?  Really?  I happen to=20
			teach a class at Columbia called "TV Media=20
			and Culture"!  So I think that my insights=20
			into Mr. McLuhan-well, have a great deal of=20
			validity.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, do yuh?

					MAN IN LINE=20
			Yes.

					ALVY=20
			Well, that's funny, because I happen to=20
			have Mr. McLuhan right here.  So ... so,=20
			here, just let me-I mean, all right.  Come=20
			over here ... a second.

Alvy gestures to the camera which follows him and the man in line to the =
back=20
of the crowded lobby.  He moves over to a large stand-up movie poster =
and=20
pulls Marshall McLuban from behind the poster.

					MAN IN LINE=20
			Oh.

					ALVY=20
				(To McLuban)=20
			Tell him.

					MCLUHAN=20
				(To the man in line)=20
			I hear-I heard what you were saying. =20
			You-you know nothing of my work.  You=20
			mean my whole fallacy is wrong.  How you=20
			ever got to teach a course in anything is=20
			totally amazing.

					ALVY=20
				(To the camera)=20
			Boy, if life were only like this!

INT. THEATER. A CLOSE-UP OF THE SCREEN SHOWING FACES OF GERMAN SOLDIERS.

Credits appear over the faces of the soldiers.

		 	      THE SORROW AND THE PITY
				  CINEMA 5 LTD., 1972
			  MARCEL OPHULS, ANDRE HARRIS, 1969
		Chronicle of a French town during the Occupation

					NARRATOR'S VOICE=20
				(Over credits and soldiers)=20
			June fourteenth, nineteen forty, the=20
			German army occupies Paris.  All over=20
			the country, people are desperate for=20
			every available scrap of news.

									CUT TO:

INT. BEDROOM-NIGHT=20

Annie is sitting up in bed reading.

					ALVY=20
				(Off screen)=20
			Boy, those guys in the French Resistance=20
			were really brave, you know?  Got to listen=20
			to Maurice Chevalier sing so much.

					ANNIE=20
			M'm, I don't know, sometimes I ask myself=20
			how I'd stand up under torture.

					ALVY=20
				(Off screen)=20
			You?  You kiddin'?=20
				(He moves into the frame, lying across=20
				the bed to touch, Annie, who makes a=20
				face)=20
			If the Gestapo would take away your=20
			Bloomingdale's charge card, you'd tell 'em=20
			everything.

					ANNIE=20
			That movie makes me feel guilty.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, 'cause it's supposed to.

He starts kissing Annie's arm.  She gets annoyed and continues to read.

					ANNIE=20
			Alvy, I ...

					ALVY=20
			What-what-what-what's the matter?

					ANNIE=20
			I-you know, I don't wanna.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping Annie, reacting)=20
			What-what-I don't ... It's not natural! =20
			We're sleeping in a bed together.  You=20
			know, it's been a long time.

					ANNIE=20
			I know, well, it's just that-you know, I=20
			mean, I-I-I-I gotta sing tomorrow night,=20
			so I have to rest my voice.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping Annie again)=20
			It's always some kind of an excuse.  It's-=20
			You know, you used to think that I was=20
			very sexy.  What ... When we first started=20
			going out, we had sex constantly ... We're-
			we're probably listed in the Guinness Book=20
			of World Records.

					ANNIE=20
				(Patting Alvy's band solicitously)=20
			I know.  Well, Alvy, it'll pass, it'll=20
			pass, it's just that I'm going through a=20
			phase, that's all.

					ALVY=20
			M'm.

					ANNIE=20
			I mean, you've been married before, you=20
			know how things can get.  You were very=20
			hot for Allison at first.

									CUT TO:

INT. BACK STAGE OF AUDITORIUM - NIGHT.

Allison, clipboard in band, walks about the wings, stopping to talk to =
various=20
people.  Musicians, performers and technicians mill about, busy with =
activity.=20
Allison wears a large "ADLAI" button, as do the people around her.  The =
sounds=20
of a comedian on the stage of the auditorium can be heard, occasionally, =

interrupted by chatter and applause from the off screen audience.  =
Allison=20
stops to talk to two women; they, too, wear "ADLAI" buttons.

					ALLISON=20
				(Looking down at the clipboard)=20
			Ma'am, you're on right after this man ...=20
			about twenty minutes, something like that.

					WOMAN=20
			Oh, thank you.

Alvy moves into the frame behind Allison.  He taps her on the shoulder; =
she=20
turns to face him.

					ALVY=20
				(Coughing)=20
			Excuse ... excuse me, when do I go on?

					ALLISON=20
				(Looking down at the clipboard)=20
			Who are you?

					ALVY
			Alvy ... Alvy Singer.  I'm a comedian.

					ALLISON=20
			Oh, comedian.  Yes.  Oh, uh ... you're=20
			on next.

					ALVY=20
				(Rubbing his hands together=20
				nervously)=20
			What do you mean, next?

					ALLISON=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Uh ... I mean you're on right after=20
			this act.

					ALVY=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			No, it can't be, because he's a comic.

					ALLISON=20
			Yes.

					ALVY=20
			So what are you telling me, you're=20
			putting on two comics in a row?

					ALLISON=20
			Why not?

					ALVY =20
			No, I'm sorry, I'm not goin'- I can't=20
			... I don't wanna go on after that comedian.

					ALLISON=20
			It's okay.

					ALVY=20
			No, because they're-they're laughing, so=20
				(He starts laughing nervously)=20
			I-I-I'd rather not.  If you don't mind,=20
			I prefer-

					ALLISON=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Will you relax, please?  They're gonna=20
			love you, I know.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			I prefer not to, because ... look,=20
			they're laughing at him.  See, so what=20
			are yuh telling me-

They move closer to the stage, looking out from the wings.

					ALLISON=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Yes.

					ALVY=20
(Overlapping)=20
			-that I've got to ... ah ... ah ...=20
			They're gonna laugh at him for a couple=20
			minutes, then I gotta go out there, I=20
			gotta ... get laughs, too.  How much can=20
			they laugh?=20
				(Off screen)=20
			They-they they're laughed out.

					ALLISON=20
				(Off screen)=20
			Do you feel all right?

As Allison and Alvy look out at the stage, the camera cuts to their =
point of=20
view: a comedian standing at a podium in front of huge waving pictures =
of Adlai
Stevenson.  The audience, laughing and clapping, sits at round tables in =

clusters around the room.

The camera moves back to Allison and Alvy watching the stage.  Alvy is =
swinging
his hands nervously.

					COMEDIAN=20
				(Off screen, onstage)=20
			You know ...

Alvy starts looking Allison up and down; people in the background mill =
about.

					ALVY=20
				(Above the chatter around him)=20
			Look, what's your-what's your name?

					COMEDIAN=20
				(Off screen) =20
			... General Eisenhower is not ...

					ALLISON=20
				(Looking out at the stage)=20
			Allison.

					ALVY  =20
			Yeah?  Allison what?

					ALLISON=20
				(Still looking off screen)=20
			Portchnik.

					COMEDIAN    =20
			... a group from the ...

					ALVY
				(Coughing)=20
			Thank you. I-I don't know why they would=20
			have me at this kind of rally 'cause ...=20
				(He clears his throat)=20
			Excuse me, I'm not essentially a political=20
			comedian at all.

The audience starts to laugh.

					ALVY=20
			I ... interestingly had, uh, dated ...=20
			a woman in the Eisenhower Administration=20
			... briefly ... and, uh, it was ironic to=20
			me 'cause, uh . . . tsch . . . 'cause I=20
			was trying to, u-u-uh, do to her what=20
			Eisenhower has been doing to the country=20
			for the last eight years.=20

The audience is with him, laughing, as Allison continues to watch =
offstage.

INT. APARTMENT BEDROOM.

Allison and, Alvy are on the bed, kissing.  There are books all over the =
room;=20
a fireplace, unlit, along one of the walls. Alvy suddenly breaks away =
and sits=20
on the edge of the bed. Allison looks at him.

					ALVY =20
			H'm, I'm sorry, I can't go through with=20
			this, because it-I can't get it off my=20
			mind, Allison ... it's obsessing me!

					ALLISON=20
			Well, I'm getting tired of it.  I need=20
			your attention.

Alvy gets up from the bed and starts walking restlessly around the room, =

gesturing with his hands.

					ALVY=20
			It-but it-it ... doesn't make any sense. =20
			He drove past the book depository and the=20
			police said conclusively that it was an=20
			exit wound.  So-how is it possible for=20
			Oswald to have fired from two angles at=20
			once?  It doesn't make sense.

					ALLISON=20
			Alvy.

Alvy, stopping for a moment at the fireplace mantel, sighs.  He then =
snaps his=20
fingers and starts walking again.

					ALVY=20
			I'll tell you this!  He was not marksman=20
			enough to hit a moving target at that=20
			range.  But ...=20
				(Clears his throat)=20
			if there was a second assassin ... it-=20
			That's it!

Alvy stops at the music stand with open sheet music on it as Allison =
gets up=20
from the bed and retrieves a pack of cigarettes from a bookshelf.

					ALLISON=20
			We've been through this.

					ALVY=20
			If they-they recovered the shells from=20
			that rifle.

					ALLISON=20
				(Moving back to the bed and=20
				lighting a cigarette)=20
			Okay.  All right, so whatta yuh saying,=20
			now?  That e-e-everybody o-o-on the Warren=20
			Commission is in on this conspiracy, right?

					ALVY=20
			Well, why not?

					ALLISON=20
			Yeah, Earl Warren?

					ALVY=20
				(Moving toward the bed)=20
			Hey ... honey, I don't know Earl Warren.

					ALLISON=20
			Lyndon Johnson?

					ALVY=20
				(Propping one knee on the bed=20
				and gesturing)=20
			L-L-Lyndon Johns Lyndon Johnson is a=20
			politician.  You know the ethics those=20
			guys have?  It's like-uh, a notch=20
			underneath child molester.

					ALLISON=20
			Then everybody's in in the conspiracy?

					ALVY=20
				(Nodding his head)=20
			Tsch.

					ALLISON=20
			The FBI, and the CIA, and J. Edgar=20
			Hoover and oil companies and the=20
			Pentagon and the men's-room attendant=20
			at the White House?

Alvy touches Allison's shoulder, then gets up from the bed and starts =
walking=20
again.

					ALVY=20
			I-I-I-I would leave out the men's-room=20
			attendant.

					ALLISON=20
			You're using this conspiracy theory as=20
			an excuse to avoid sex with me.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, my God!=20
				(Then, to the camera)=20
			She's right!  Why did I turn off Allison=20
			Portchnik?  She was-she was beautiful.  She=20
			was willing.  She was real ... intelligent.=20
				(Sighing)=20
			Is it the old Groucho Marx joke?  That-that=20
			I-I just don't wanna belong to any club that=20
			would have someone like me for a member?

EXT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY

Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard over the wind-browned exterior of a =
beach=20
house in the Hamptons. As they continue to talk, the camera moves inside =
the=20
house. Alvy is picking up chairs, trying to get at the group of lobsters =

crawling on the floor.  Dishes are stacked up in a drying rack, and bags =
of=20
groceries sit on the counter.  There's a table and chairs near the =
refrigerator.=20

					ANNIE=20
			Alvy, now don't panic.  Please.

					ALVY=20
			Look, I told you it was a ... mistake=20
			to ever bring a live thing in the house.

					ANNIE
			Stop it!  Don't ... don't do that!  There.
=20
The lobsters continue to crawl on the floor.  Annie, bolding out a =
wooden=20
paddle, tries to shove them onto it.

					ALVY=20
			Well, maybe we should just call the police. =20
			Dial nine-one-one, it's the lobster squad.

					ANNIE=20
			Come on, Alvy, they're only baby ones, for=20
			God's sake.=20

					ALVY=20
			If they're only babies, then you pick=20
			'em up.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, all right.  All right!  It's all=20
			right.  Here.

She drops the paddle and picks up one of the lobsters by the tail.  =
Laughing,=20
she shoves it at Alvy who jerks backward, squeamishly.

					ALVY=20
			Don't give it to me.  Don't!

					ANNIE=20
				(Hysterically)=20
			Oooh!  Here!  Here!

					ALVY=20
				(Pointing)=20
			Look!  Look, one crawled behind the=20
			refrigerator.  It'll turn up in our bed=20
			at night.=20
				(They move over to the refrigerator;=20
				Alvy moves as close to the wall as=20
				possible as Annie, covering her mouth=20
				and laughing hysterically, teasingly=20
				dangles a lobster in front of him)=20
			Will you get outta here with that thing? =20
			Jesus!

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing, to the lobster)=20
			Get him!

					ALVY=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Talk to him.  You speak shellfish!=20
				(He moves over to the stove and=20
				takes the lid of a large steamer=20
				filled with boiling water)=20
			Hey, look ... put it in the pot.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I can't!  I can't put him in the pot.  I=20
			can't put a live thing in hot water.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Gimme!  Gimme!  Let me do it!  What-what's=20
			he think we're gonna do, take him to the=20
			movies?

Annie hands the lobster to Alvy as he takes it very carefully and drops =
it=20
gingerly into the pot and puts the cover back on.

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping Alvy and making sounds)=20
			Oh, God!  Here yuh go!  Oh, good, now=20
			he'll think-=20
				(She screams)=20
			Aaaah!  Okay.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping Annie)=20
			Okay, it's in.  It's definitely in the pot!

					ANNIE=20
			All right.  All right.  All right.

She moves hurriedly across the kitchen and picks up another lobster.  =
Smiling,=20
she places it on the counter as Alvy stands beside the refrigerator =
trying to=20
push it from the wall.

					ALVY=20
			Annie, there's a big lobster behind=20
			the refrigerator.  I can't get it out. =20
			This thing's heavy.  Maybe if I put a=20
			little dish of butter sauce here with a=20
			nutcracker, it will run out the other=20
			side, you know what I mean?

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Yeah.  I'm gonna get my ... I'm gonna=20
			get my camera.

					ALVY=20
			You know, I-I think ... if I could pry=20
			this door off ... We shoulda gotten steaks=20
			'cause they don't have legs.  They don't=20
			run around.

Annie rushes out of the room to get her camera as Alvy picks up the =
paddle.=20
Trying to get at the lobsters, he ends up knocking over dishes and =
hitting the=20
chandelier.  Holding the paddle, he finally leans back against the sink. =
=20
Annie, standing in the doorway, starts taking pictures of him.

					ANNIE=20
			Great!  Great!=20
				(Screaming)=20
			Goddammit!=20
				(Screaming)=20
			Ooooh!  These are ... p-p-p-pick this=20
			lobster up.  Hold it, please!

					ALVY=20
			All right!  All right!  All right!  All=20
			right!  Whatta yuh mean?  Are yuh gonna=20
			take pictures now?

					ANNIE=20
			It'll make great- Alvy, be- Alvy, it'll=20
			be wonderful ... Ooooh, lovely!

					ALVY=20
				(Picking up the lobster Annie=20
				placed on the counter earlier)=20
			All right, here!  Oh, God, it's disgusting!

Alvy drops the lobster back down on the counter, sticking out his tongue =
and=20
making a face.

					ANNIE=20
			Don't be a jerk.  One more, Alvy, please,=20
			one more picture.=20
				(Reluctantly Alvy picks up the=20
				lobster again as Annie takes=20
				another picture)=20
			Oh, oh, good, good!

EXT. OCEAN FRONT-DUSK.

The camera pans Annie and Alvy as they walk along the shore.

					ALVY=20
			So, so-well, here's what I wanna know. =20
			W-what ...=20
				(He clears his throat)=20
			Am I your first big romance?

					ANNIE=20
			Oh ... no, no, no, no, uh, uh.  No.

					ALVY=20
			Well, then, w-who was?

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, well, let's see, there was Dennis,=20
			from Chippewa Falls High School.=20

CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF DENNIS LEANING AGAINST A CAR - NIGHT

Behind him is a movie theater with "MARILYN MONROE, 'MISFITS' " on the =
marquee.
He looks at his watch as the younger Annie, in a beehive hairdo, moves =
into the
frame.  They kiss quickly and look at each other, smiling.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
				(Off screen)=20
			Dennis-right, uh, uh ... local kid=20
			probably, would meetcha in front of the=20
			movie house on Saturday night.

					ANNIE'S VOICE=20
			Oh, God, you should've seen what I looked=20
			like then.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
				(Off screen, laughing)=20
			Oh, I can imagine.  P-p-probably the=20
			wife of an astronaut.

					ANNIE'S VOICE=20
			Then there was Jerry, the actor.

									CUT TO:

FLASHBACK OF BRICK-WALLED APARTMENT - NIGHT

The younger, Annie and Jerry lean against the wall. Jerry is running his =
band=20
down Annie's bare arm. Annie and Alvy walk into the room, observing the =
younger
Annie, in jeans and T-shirt, with Jerry.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Look at you, you-you,-re such a clown.

					ANNIE'S VOICE=20
			I look pretty.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			Well, yeah, you always look pretty, but=20
			that guy with you ...

					JERRY=20
			Acting is like an exploration of the soul.=20
			I-it's very religious.  Uh, like, uh, a=20
			kind of liberating consciousness.  It's=20
			like a visual poem.

					ALVY=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Is he kidding with that crap?

					YOUNGER ANNIE
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, right.  Right, yeah, I think I=20
			know exactly what you mean, when you=20
			say "religious."

					ALVY=20
				(Incredulous, to Annie)=20
			You do?

					ANNIE=20
				(Still watching)=20
			Oh, come on-I mean, I was still younger.

					ALVY=20
			Hey, that was last year.

					JERRY=20
			It's like when I think of dying.  You=20
			know how I would like to die?

					YOUNGER ANNIE=20
			No, how?

					JERRY=20
			I'd like to get torn apart by wild animals.

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			Heavy!  Eaten by some squirrels.

					ANNIE'S VOICE=20
			Hey, listen-I mean, he was a terrific actor,=20
			and look at him, he's neat-looking and he=20
			was emotional ... Y-hey, I don't think you=20
			like emotion too much.

Jerry stops rubbing the younger Annie's arm and slides down to the floor =
as=20
she raises her foot toward his chest.

					JERRY=20
			Touch my heart ... with your foot.=20

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
			I-I may throw up!

									CUT BACK TO:

EXTERIOR.  BEACH-DUSK

It's now sunset, the water reflecting the last light.  The camera moves =
over=20
the scene.  The off screen voices of Alvy and Annie are heard as they =
walk, the
camera always one step ahead of them.

					ANNIE=20
			He was creepy.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, I-I think you're pretty lucky I=20
			came along.=20

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, really?  Well, la-de-da!

					ALVY=20
			La-de-da.  If I-if anyone had ever told=20
			me that I would be taking out a girl who=20
			used expressions like "la-de-da" . . .

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, that's right.  That you really like=20
			those New York girls.=20

					ALVY=20
			Well, no ... not just, not only.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, I'd say so.  You married-

									CUT TO:

INT. NEW YORK CITY APARTMENT-NIGHT

A cocktail party is in progress, the rooms crowded with guests as Alvy =
and=20
Robin make their way through the people.  A waiter, carrying a tray, =
walks=20
past them.  Alvy reaches out to pick up a glass; Robin reaches over and =
picks=20
it of the tray first.  There is much low-key chatter in the background.

					ANNIE=20
				(Off screen)=20
			-two of them.

					ROBIN=20
			There's Henry Drucker.  He has a chair=20
			in history at Princeton.  Oh, the short=20
			man is Hershel Kaminsky.  He has a chair=20
			in philosophy at Cornell.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, two more chairs and they got a=20
			dining-room set.

					ROBIN=20
			Why are you so hostile?

					ALVY=20
				(Sighing)=20
			'Cause I wanna watch the Knicks on=20
			television.

					ROBIN=20
				(Squinting)=20
			Is that Paul Goodman?  No. And be nice=20
			to the host because he's publishing my=20
			book.  Hi, Doug!  Douglas Wyatt. =20
			"A Foul-Rag-and-Bone Shop-of-the-Heart."

They move through the rooms, Robin holding a drink in one hand, her arm =
draped=20
in Alvy's; the crowd mills around them.

					ALVY=20
				(Taking Robin's hand)=20
			I'm so tired of spending evenings making=20
			fake insights with people who work for=20
			Dysentery.

					ROBIN=20
			Commentary.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, really, I heard that Commentary and=20
			Dissent had merged and formed Dysentery.

					ROBIN=20
			No jokes-these are friends, okay?

INT. BEDROOM

Alvy sits on the foot of the bed watching the Knicks game on television.

					TV ANNOUNCER=20
				(Off screen)=20
			Cleveland Cavaliers losing to the New=20
			York Knicks.

Robin enters the room, slamming the door.

					ROBIN=20
			Here you are.  There's people out there.

					ALVY=20
			Hey, you wouldn't believe this.  Two=20
			minutes ago, the Knicks are ahead fourteen=20
			points, and now ...=20
				(Clears his throat)=20
			they're ahead two points.

					ROBIN=20
			Alvy, what is so fascinating about a group=20
			of pituitary cases trying to stuff the=20
			ball through a hoop?

					ALVY=20
				(Looking at Robin)=20
			What's fascinating is that it's physical. =20
			You know, it's one thing about intellectuals,=20
			they prove that you can be absolutely brilliant=20
			and have no idea what's going on.  But on the=20
			other hand ...=20
				(Clears his throat)=20
			the body doesn't lie, as-as we now know.

Alvy reaches over, pulls Robin down onto the bed.  He kisses her and =
moves=20
farther up on the bed.

					ROBIN=20
			Stop acting out.

She sits on the edge of the bed, looking down at the sprawled-out Alvy.

					ALVY=20
			No, it'll be great!  It'll be great,=20
			be-because all those Ph.D.'s are in=20
			there, you know, like ... discussing=20
			models of alienation and we'll be in=20
			here quietly humping.

He pulls Robin toward him, caressing her as she pulls herself away.

					ROBIN=20
			Alvy, don't!  You're using sex to=20
			express hostility.

					ALVY=20
			"'Why-why do you always r-reduce my=20
			animal urges to psychoanalytic categories?'=20
				(Clears his throat)=20
			he said as he removed her brassiere..."

					ROBIN=20
				(Pulling away again)=20
			There are people out there from The New=20
			Yorker magazine.  My God!  What would they=20
			think?

She gets up and fixes the zipper on her dress.  She turns and moves =
toward the=20
door.

INT. APARTMENT-NIGHT

Robin and Alvy are in bed.  The room is in darkness.  Outside, a siren =
starts=20
blaring.

					ROBIN=20
			Oh, I'm sorry!

					ALVY=20
			Don't get upset!

					ROBIN=20
			Dammit!  I was so close.

She flips on the overhead lamp and turns on her side.  Alvy turns to =
her.

					ALVY=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			Jesus, last night it was some guy honking=20
			his car horn.  I mean, the city can't=20
			close down.  You know, what-whatta yuh=20
			gonna do, h-have 'em shut down the=20
			airport, too?  No more flights so we can=20
			have sex?

					ROBIN=20
				(Reaching over for her eyeglasses=20
				on the night table)=20
			I'm too tense.  I need a Valium.  My=20
			analyst says I should live in the country=20
			and not in New York.

					ALVY=20
			Well, I can't li- We can't have this=20
			discussion all the time.  The country=20
			makes me nervous.  There's ... You got=20
			crickets and it-it's quiet ... there's=20
			no place to walk after dinner, and... uh,=20
			there's the screens with the dead moths=20
			behind them, and... uh, yuh got the-the=20
			Manson family possibly, yuh got Dick and=20
			Terry-

					ROBIN=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			Okay, okay, my analyst just thinks I'm=20
			too tense.  Where's the goddamn Valium?

She fumbles about the floor for the Valium, then back on the bed.

					ALVY=20
			Hey, come on, it's quiet now.  We can-we=20
			can start again.

					ROBIN=20
			I can't.

					ALVY
			What-

					ROBIN
			My head is throbbing.

					ALVY
			Oh, you got a headache!

					ROBIN
			I have a headache.

					ALVY
			Bad?

					ROBIN
			Oswald and ghosts.

					ALVY
			Jesus!

He begins to get out of bed.

					ROBIN=20
			Where are you going?

					ALVY=20
			Well, I'm-I'm gonna take another in a=20
			series of cold showers.

EXT. MEN'S LOCKER ROOM OF THE TENNIS CLUB.

Rob and Alvy, carrying tennis rackets, come through the door of the =
locker=20
room to the lobby.  They are dressed in tennis whites.  They walk toward =
the=20
indoor court.

					ROB
 			Max, my serve is gonna send yuh to=20
			the showers-

					ALVY
			Right, right, so g-get back to what we=20
			were discussing, the failure of the=20
			country to get behind New York City is-is=20
			anti-Semitism.

					ROB=20
			Max, the city is terribly worried.

					ALVY=20
			But the- I'm not discussing politics or=20
			economics.  This is foreskin.

					ROB=20
			No, no, no, Max, that's a very convenient=20
			out.  Every time some group disagrees with=20
			you it's because of anti-Semitism.

					ALVY=20
			Don't you see?  The rest of the country looks=20
			upon New York like we're-we're left-wing=20
			Communist, Jewish, homosexual, pornographers. =20
			I think of us that way, sometimes, and I-I=20
			live here.

					ROB=20
			Max, if we lived in California, we could=20
			play outdoors every day, in the sun.

					ALVY=20
			Sun is bad for yuh.  Everything our parents=20
			said was good is bad.  Sun, milk, red meat,=20
			college ...

INT. TENNIS COURT

Annie and Janet, in tennis whites, stand on the court holding tennis =
rackets=20
and balls.  They are chattering and giggling.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I know, but ooh- here he comes.  Okay.=20

Rob and Alvy enter the court and walk over to the two women.  Rob kisses =
Janet=20
and makes introduction.

					ROB=20
			You know Alvy?

					JANET=20
			Oh, hi, Alvy.

					ANNIE=20
				(To Rob)=20
			How are yuh?

					ROB=20
				(To Alvy)=20
			You know Annie?

					JANET=20
			I'm sorry.  This is Annie Hall.

					ALVY=20
			Hi.

					ANNIE=20
			Hi.

Annie and Alvy shake hands.

					JANET=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Alvy.

					ROB=20
				(Eager to begin)=20
			Who's playing who here?  Alvy Well, uh ...=20
			you and me against them?

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping Alvy)=20
			Well ... so ... I can't play too good,=20
			you know.

					JANET=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I've had four lessons!

The group, laughing and chatting, divide up-Rob and Annie moving to the =
other=20
side of the net, Alvy and Janet standing where they are.  They start to =
play=20
mixed doubles, each taking turns and playing well. At one point in the =
game,=20
Annie starts to talk to Rob, then turns and sees a ball heading toward =
her.

					ALVY =20
				(Hitting the halt back)=20
			Holy gods!

INT. LOBBY

Alvy, dressed, puts things into a gym bag.  One knee is on the bench and =
his=20
back is turned from the entrance. Annie walks toward the entrance door =
dressed=20
in street clothes and carrying her tennis bag over her shoulder.  Seeing =
Alvy,
she stops and turns.

					ANNIE=20
			Hi.  Hi, hi.

					ALVY=20
				(Looking over his shoulder)=20
			Hi.  Oh, hi.  Hi.

					ANNIE=20
				(Hands clasped in front of her,=20
				smiling)=20
			Well, bye. She laughs and backs up slowly=20
			toward the door.

					ALVY=20
				(Clearing his throat)=20
			You-you play ... very well.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, yeah?  So do you.  Oh, God, whatta-
				(Making sounds and laughing)=20
			whatta dumb thing to say, right?  I mean,=20
			you say it, "You play well," and right=20
			away ... I have to say well.  Oh, oh ...=20
			God, Annie.=20
				(She gestures with her hand)=20
			Well ... oh, well ... la-de-da, la-de-da,=20
			la-la.

She turns around and moves toward the door.

					ALVY=20
				(Still looking over his shoulder)=20
			Uh ... you-you wanna lift?

					ANNIE=20
				(Turning and aiming her thumb over=20
				her shoulder)=20
			Oh, why-uh ... y-y-you gotta car?

					ALVY=20
			No, um ... I was gonna take a cab.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, no, I have a car.

					ALVY=20
			You have a car?=20
				(Annie smiles, hands folded in=20
				front of her)=20
			So ...=20
				(Clears his throat)=20
			I don't understand why ... if you have a=20
			car, so then-then wh-why did you say "Do=20
			you have a car?"... like you wanted a lift?

					ANNIE=20
			I don't ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I don't ... Geez, I don't know, I've ...=20
			I wa- This ... yeah, I got this VW out=20
			there ...=20
				(Laughing and gesturing toward=20
				the door)=20
			What a jerk, yeah.  Would you like a lift?

					ALVY=20
				(Zipping up his bag)=20
			Sure.  W-w-w-which way yuh goin'?

					ANNIE=20
			Me?  Oh, downtown!

					ALVY=20
			Down- I'm-I'm goin' uptown.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, well, I'm goin' uptown, too.

					ALVY=20
			Uh, well, you just said you were going=20
			downtown.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah, well, I'm, but I ...

Alvy picks up his bag and moves toward the door. As he turns his bag =
around,=20
the handle of the tennis racket bits Annie between the legs.

					ALVY=20
				(Laughing)=20
			So sorry.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I mean, I can go uptown, too.  I live=20
			uptown, but ... uh, what the hell, I mean,=20
			it'd be nice having company, you know=20
			I mean, I hate driving alone.

					ALVY=20
				(Making sounds)=20
			Yeah.

They walk out the door.

EXT. NEW YORK STREET- DAY

Alvy and Annie in the VW as Annie speeds down a city street near the =
East River.

					ALVY=20
			So, how long do you know Janet?  Where=20
			do you know her from?

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, I'm in her acting class.

					ALVY=20
			Oh - you're an actress.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, I do commercials, sort of ...

She zooms down the wrong lane, cars swerving out of her way.  A horn =
blows.

					ALVY=20
			I, uh ... well, you're not from New=20
			York, right?

					ANNIE=20
			No, Chippewa Falls.

					ALVY=20
			Right!=20
				(A pause)=20
			Where?

					ANNIE=20
			Wisconsin.

					ALVY=20
				(Finally reacting)=20
			Uh, you're driving a-

					ANNIE=20
			Uh, don't worry, I'm a very-=20
				(A car moves closer to the VW,=20
				almost on top of it in the wrong=20
				direction.  Annie swerves away at=20
				the very last minute)
			-a very good driver.=20
				(Alvy rubs his head nervously,=20
				staring out the window as Annie=20
				speeds along)=20
			So, listen-hey, you want some gum, anyway?

Annie looks down beside her, searching for the gum.

					ALVY
			No, no thanks.  Hey, don't-

					ANNIE
			Well, where is it?  I-

					ALVY=20
			No, no, no, no, you just ... just watch=20
			the road.  I'll get it-

					ANNIE=20
			Okay.

They both fumble around in her pocketbook.  Alvy looks up to see the =
entire=20
front of a truck in Annie's windshield.  She swerves just in time.

					ALVY=20
			-for yuh.

					ANNIE=20
			Okay, that's good.

Alvy continues to look for the gum while Annie zooms down the city =
streets.

					ANNIE=20
			All right.

					ALVY=20
			I'll getcha a piece.

					ANNIE=09
			Yeah ... so, listen-you drive?

					ALVY
			Do I drive?  Uh, no, I gotta-I gotta=20
			problem with driving.

					ANNIE=09
			Oh, you do?

					ALVY=09
			Yeah.  I got, uh, I got a license but I=20
			have too much hostility.

					ANNIE=09
			Oh, right.

					ALVY=09
			Nice car.

					ANNIE=20
				(A bit rapidly)  =20
			Huh?

					ALVY=20
			You keep it nice.=20
				(He pulls a half-eaten sandwich=20
				out of her bag)=20
			Can I ask you, is this-is this a sandwich?

					ANNIE=20
			Huh?  Oh, yeah.

EXT. STREET-DAY

Cars are parked on both sides of the street as the VW rounds the corner.

					ANNIE=20
			I live over here.  Oh, my God!  Look! =20
			There's a parking space! =20

With brakes squealing, Annie turns the VW sharply into the parking spot. =
=20
Annie and Alvy get out, Alvy looking over his shoulder as he leaves the =
car.

					ALVY  =20
			That's okay, you ... we-we can walk to=20
			the curb from here.

					ANNIE=20
			Don't be funny.

					ALVY  =20
			You want your tennis stuff?

					ANNIE=20
			Huh?  Oh ... yeah.

					ALVY  =20
			You want your gear?  Here you go.

Alvy reaches into the back of the car and takes out tennis equipment.  =
He=20
hands her her things.  People pass by on the street.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Yeah, thanks.  Thanks a lot.  Well...

					ALVY=20
				(Sighing)=20
			Well, thanks, thank you.  You-you're=20
			a wonderful tennis player.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh.

Alvy shakes hands with Annie.

					ALVY=20
			You're the worst driver I've ever seen=20
			in my life . . . that's including any place=20
			... the worst ... Europe, United ... any=20
			place ... Asia.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			And I love what you're wearin'.

Alvy touches the tie Annie is wearing around her neck.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, you do?  Yeah?  Oh, well, it's uh=20
			... this is, uh ... this tie is a present,=20
			from Grammy Hall.

Annie flips the bottom of the tie.

					ALVY =20
			Who?  Grammy?  Grammy Hall?

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing and nodding her head)=20
			Yeah, my grammy.

					ALVY=20
			You're jo- Whatta yuh kid- What did you=20
			do, grow up in a Norman Rockwell painting?

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Yeah, I know.

					ALVY=20
			Your grammy!

					ANNIE=20
			I know, it's pretty silly, isn't it?

					ALVY=20
			Jesus, my-my grammy ... n-never gave=20
			gifts, you know.  She-she was	too busy=20
			getting raped by Cossacks.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing)=20
			Well ...

					ALVY=09
			Well ... thank you again.

					ANNIE=09
			Oh, yeah, yeah.

					ALVY=09
			I'll see yuh.

					ANNIE=09
				(Overlapping, gesturing)=20
			Hey, well, listen ... hey, you wanna
			come upstairs and, uh ... and have a=20
			glass of wine and something?  Aw, no,=20
			I mean ... I mean, you don't have to,=20
			you're probably late and everything else ...

					ALVY=20
			No, no, that'll be fine. I don't mind. Sure.=20

					ANNIE=20
			You sure?

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			No, I got time.=20

					ANNIE=20
			Okay.

					ALVY=20
			Sure, I got ... I got nothing, uh,=20
			nothing till my analyst's appointment.

They move toward Annie's apartment building.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, you see an analyst?

					ALVY=20
			Y-y-yeah, just for fifteen years.=20

					ANNIE=20
			Fifteen years?

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, uh, I'm gonna give him one more=20
			year and then I'm goin' to Lourdes.

					ANNIE=20
			Fifteen-aw, come on, you're . . . yeah,=20
			really?

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT

Alvy, standing, looks around the apartment.  There are lots of books, =
framed=20
photographs on the white wall.  A terrace can be seen from the window.  =
He=20
picks up a copy of Ariet, by Sylvia Platb, as Annie comes out of the =
kitchen=20
carrying two glasses.  She hands them to Alvy.

					ALVY=20
			Sylvia Plath.

					ANNIE=20
			M'hm...

					ALVY
			Interesting poetess whose tragic suicide=20
			was misinterpreted as romantic, by the=20
			college-girl mentality.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, yeah.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, sorry.

					ANNIE=20
			Right.  Well, I don't know, I mean, uh,=20
			some of her poems seem - neat, you know.

					ALVY
			Neat?

					ANNIE=20
			Neat, yeah.

					ALVY=20
			Uh, I hate to tell yuh, this is nineteen=20
			seventy-five, you know that "neat" went=20
			out, I would say, at the turn of the=20
			century.=20
				(Annie laughs)=20
			Who-who are-who are those photos on=20
			the wall?

					ANNIE=20
				(Moving over to the photographs)=20
			Oh ... oh, well, you see now now, uh,=20
			that's my dad, that's Father-and that's=20
			my ... brother, Duane.

					ALVY=20
			Duane?

					ANNIE
				(Pointing)=20
			Yeah, right, Duane-and over there is=20
			Grammy Hall, and that's Sadie.

					ALVY  =20
			Well, who's Sadie?

					ANNIE =20
			Sadie?  Oh, well, Sadie...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Sadie met Grammy through, uh, through=20
			Grammy's brother George.  Uh, George was=20
			real sweet, you know, he had that thing. =20
			What is that thing where you, uh, where=20
			you, uh, fall asleep in the middle of a=20
			sentence, you know-what is it?  Uh ...

					ALVY=20
			Uh, narcolepsy.

					ANNIE
			Narcolepsy, right, right.  Right.  So,=20
			anyway, so ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			George, uh, went to the union, see, to=20
			get his free turkey, be-because, uh, the=20
			union always gave George this big turkey=20
			at Christmas time because he was ...=20
				(Annie points her fingers to each=20
				side of her head, indicating George=20
				was a little crazy)=20
			shell-shocked, you know what I mean, in the=20
			First World War.=20
				(Laughing hysterically, she opens=20
				a cabinet door and takes out a=20
				bottle of wine)=20
			Anyway, so, so ...=20
				(Laughing through the speech)=20
			George is standing in line, oh, just a sec=20
			...uh, getting his free turkey, but the=20
			thing is, he falls asleep and he never=20
			wakes up. So, so...
				(Laughing)=20
			so, he's dead ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			he's dead.  Yeah.  Oh, dear.  Well,=20
			terrible, huh, wouldn't you say?  I=20
			mean, that's pretty unfortunate.

Annie unscrews the bottle of wine, silent now after her speech.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, it's a great story, though, I=20
			mean, I... I ... it really made my day. =20
			Hey, I think I should get outta here,=20
			you know, 'cause I think I'm imposing,=20
			you know ...

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, really?  Oh, well ... uh, uh, maybe,=20
			uh, maybe, we, uh ...

					ALVY=20
			... and ... uh, yeah, uh ... uh, you=20
			know, I-I-I...=20

They move outside to the terrace, Alvy still holding the glasses, Annie =
the=20
wine.  They stand in front of the railing, Annie pouring the wine into =
the=20
held-out glasses.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, I mean, you don't have to, you know.

					ALVY
			No, I know, but ... but, you know, I'm=20
			all perspired and everything.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, didn't you take, uh ... uh, a=20
			shower at the club?

					ALVY
			Me?  No, no, no, 'cause I never shower=20
			in a public place.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Why not?

					ALVY=20
			'Cause I don't like to get naked in front=20
			of another man, you know-it's, uh ...

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, I see, I see.

					ALVY=20
			You know, I don't like to show my body=20
			to a man of my gender-

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.  Oh, yeah.  Yeah, I see.  I guess-

					ALVY=09
			-'cause, uh, you never know what's=20
			gonna happen.

					ANNIE=09
				(Sipping her wine and laughing)=20
			Fifteen years, huh?

					ALVY
			Fifteen years, yeah.

					ANNIE=09
			Yeah.  Oh, God bless!

They	put their glasses together in a toast.

					ALVY
			God bless.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Well, uh ...=20
				(Pausing)=20
			You're what Grammy Hall would call a=20
			real Jew.

					ALVY =20
				(Clearing his throat)=20
			Oh, thank you.

					ANNIE
				(Smiling)=20
			Yeah, well ... you-She hates Jews.  She=20
			thinks that they just make money, but let=20
			me tell yuh, I mean, she's the one yeah,=20
			is she ever.  I'm tellin' yuh.

					ALVY=20
				(pointing toward the apartment=20
				after a short pause)=20
			So, did you do shoot the photographs=20
			in there or what?

					ANNIE
				(Nodding, her hand on her hip)=20
			Yeah, yeah, I sorta dabble around, you know.

Annie's thoughts pop on the screen as she talks: I dabble?  Listen to =
me-what=20
a jerk!

					ALVY=20
			They're ... they're... they're wonderful,=20
			you know.  They have ... they have, uh=20
			... a ... a quality.
	=09
As do Alvy's: You are a great-looking girl

					ANNIE
			Well, I-I-I would-I would like to take=20
			a serious photography course soon.

Again, Annie's thoughts pop on: He probably thinks I'm a yo-yo

					ALVY=20
			Photography's interesting, 'cause, you=20
			know, it's-it's a new art form, and a,=20
			uh, a set of aesthetic criteria have=20
			not emerged yet.

And Alvy's: I wonder what she looks like naked?

					ANNIE=20
			Aesthetic criteria?  You mean, whether=20
			it's, uh, good photo or not?

I'm not smart enough for him.  Hang in there

					ALVY=20
			The-the medium enters in as a condition=20
			of the art form itself.  That's-

I don't know what I'm saying-she senses I'm shallow

					ANNIE=20
			Well, well, I ... to me-I ... I mean,=20
			it's-it's-it's all instinctive, you=20
			know.  I mean, I just try to uh, feel=20
			it, you know?  I try to get a sense of=20
			it and not think about it so much.

God, I hope he doesn't turn out to be a shmuck like the others

					ALVY=20
			Still, still we- You need a set of=20
			aesthetic guide lines to put it in=20
			social perspective, I think.

Christ, I sound like FM radio.  Relax

They're quiet for a moment, holding wine glasses and sipping.  The =
sounds of=20
distant traffic from the street can be heard on the terrace.  Annie, =
laughing,=20
speaks first.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, I don't know.  I mean, I guess-I=20
			guess you must be sorta late, huh?

					ALVY=20
			You know, I gotta get there and begin=20
			whining soon ... otherwise I- Hey ...=20
			well, are you busy Friday night?

					ANNIE=20
			Me?  Oh, uh.        =20
				(Laughing)=20
			No.

					ALVY=20
				(Putting his band on his forehead)=20
			Oh, I'm sorry, wait a minute, I have=20
			something.  Well, what about Saturday=20
			night?

					ANNIE=20
				(Nodding)=20
			Oh ... nothing.  Not-no, no!

					ALVY=20
			Oh, you ... you're very popular, I can see.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I know.

					ALVY=20
			Gee, boy, what do you have?  You have=20
			plague?

					ANNIE=09
			Well, I mean, I meet a lot of ... jerks,=20
			you know-

					ALVY
			Yeah, I meet a lotta jerks, too.

					ANNIE=09
				(Overlapping)=20
			-what I mean?

					ALVY=09
			I think that's, uh-

					ANNIE
				(Interrupting)=20
			But I'm thinking about getting some=20
			cats, you know, and then they ... Oh,=20
			wait a second-oh, no, no, I mean=20
				(Laughing)=20
			oh, shoot!  No, Saturday night I'm=20
			gonna-
				(Laughing)=20
			gonna sing.  Yeah.

					ALVY
			You're gonna sing?  Do you sing?  Well,=20
			no, it isn't
				(Overlapping)=20
			No kidding?=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			-this is my first time.  Oh, really?  Where? =20
			I'd like to come.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, no, no, no, no, no!  No, I'm interested!

					ANNIE
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, no-I mean, I'm just a-auditioning=20
			sort of at club.  I don't-

					ALVY
				(Overlapping)=20
			No, so help me.

					ANNIE
				(Overlapping)=20
			-it's my first time.

					ALVY
			That's okay, 'cause I know exactly what=20
			that's like.  Listen-

					ANNIE
				(Interrupting)=20
			Yeah.

					ALVY
				(Overlapping)=20
			-you're gonna like night clubs, they're=20
			really a lotta fun.

INT. NIGHT CLUB-NIGHT

Annie stands on center stage with a microphone, a pianist behind her.  A =

Bright light is focused on her; the rest of the club is in darkness.  =
There=20
are the typical sounds and movements of a nightclub audience: low =
conversation,
curling smoke, breaking glass, microphone bum, moving chairs, waiters=20
clattering trays, a ringing phone as Annie sings "It Had to Be You.

EXT. CITY STREET-NIGHT.

Alvy and Annie walk quickly down the sidewalk.=20

					ANNIE=20
			I was awful.  I'm so ashamed!  I can't=20
			sing.=20

					ALVY=20
			Oh, listen, so the audience was a tad=20
			restless.

					ANNIE=20
			Whatta you mean, a tad restless?  Oh,=20
			my God, I mean, they hated me.

					ALVY=20
			No, they didn't.  You have a wonderful=20
			voice.

					ANNIE=20
			No, I'm gonna quit!

					ALVY
			No, I'm not gonna letcha.  You have a=20
			great voice.

					ANNIE
			Really, do you think so, really?

					ALVY
			Yeah!

					ANNIE
			Yeah?

					ALVY
			It's terrific.

					ANNIE
				(Overlapping)=20
			Yeah, you know something?  I never even=20
			took a lesson, either.

They stop in the middle of the sidewalk.  Alvy turns Annie around to =
face him.

					ALVY=20
			Hey, listen, listen.

					ANNIE
 			What?

					ALVY
			Gimme a kiss.

					ANNIE
 			Really?

					ALVY
			Yeah, why not, because we're just gonna=20
			go home later, right?

					ANNIE
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			And-and uh, there's gonna be all that=20
			tension.  You know, we never kissed before=20
			and I'll never know when to make the right=20
			move or anything.  So we'll kiss now we'll=20
			get it over with and then we'll go eat. Okay? =20

					ANNIE
  			Oh, all right.

					ALVY=20
			And we'll digest our food better.

					ANNIE
 			Okay.

					ALVY=20
			Okay?

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

They kiss.

					ALVY=20
			So now we can digest our food. =20

They turn and start walking again. =20

					ANNIE=20
			We can digest our-

					ALVY=20
			Okay. Yeah.

INT. DELI-NIGHT

Annie and Alvy sit down in a booth.  The deli is fairly well lit and =
crowded.=20
Conversation, plates clattering, can be heard over the dialogue.  The =
waiter=20
comes over to them to take their order.

					ALVY=20
				(To the waiter)=20
			I'm gonna have a corned beef.

					ANNIE=20
				(To the waiter)=20
			Yeah ... oh, uh, and I'm gonna have a=20
			pastrami on white bread with, uh,=20
			mayonnaise and tomatoes and lettuce.=20
				(Alvy involuntarily makes a face=20
				as the waiter leaves)=20
			Tsch, so, uh, your second wife left you=20
			and, uh, were you depressed about that?

					ALVY=20
			Nothing that a few mega-vitamins couldn't=20
			cure.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh.  And your first wife was Allison?

					ALVY=20
			My first... Yes, she was nice, but you=20
			know, uh, it was my fault.  I was just...=20
			I was too crazy.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh.

INT. DARKENED BEDROOM-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie in bed together.

					ANNIE
			M'm, that was so nice.  That was nice.

					ALVY
			As Balzac said ...

					ANNIE
 			H'm?

					ALVY
  			"There goes another novel."=20
				(They laugh)=20
			Jesus, you were great.

					ANNIE
 			Oh, yeah?

					ALVY
 			Yeah.

					ANNIE
 			Yeah?

					ALVY
 			Yeah, I'm-I'm-I'm a wreck.

					ANNIE
			No.=20
				(She turns and looks at Alvy,=20
				then laughs)=20
			You're a wreck.

					ALVY
 			Really.  I mean it.  I-I'll never play=20
			the piano again.

					ANNIE
 				(Lighting a joint and laughing)=20
			You're really nuts.  I don't know, you=20
			really thought it was good?  Tell me.

					ALVY
			Good?  I was-

					ANNIE
				(Overlapping)=20
			No.

					ALVY
			No, that was the most fun I've ever=20
			had without laughing.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing)=20
			Here, you want some?

					ALVY
			No, no, I-I-i, uh, I don't use any=20
			major hallucinogenics because I took=20
			a puff like five years ago at a party and

					ANNIE
 			Yeah?

					ALVY
 			-tried to take my pants off over my=20
			head ...=20
				(Annie laughs)
			...  my ear.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, I don't know, I don't really.  I=20
			don't do it very often, you know, just=20
			sort of, er ... relaxes me at first.

					ALVY=20
			M'hm.=20
				(He pushes himself up from the=20
				bed and looks down at Annie)
			You're not gonna believe this, but-

					ANNIE
 			What?  What?

									CUT TO:
=09

INT. BOOKSTORE-DAY

Annie and Alvy browsing in crowded bookstore.  Alvy, carrying two books, =

"Death and Western Thought" and "The Denial of Death", moves over to =
where=20
Annie is looking.

					ALVY
			Hey?

					ANNIE
 			H'm?

					ALVY
 			I-I-I'm gonna buy you these books, I=20
			think, because I-I think you should=20
			read them.  You know, instead of that=20
			cat book.

					ANNIE
 				(Looking at the books Alvy=20
				is bolding)=20
			That's, uh ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			that's pretty serious stuff there.

					ALVY
 			Yeah, 'cause I-I'm, you know, I'm,=20
			I'm obsessed with-with, uh, with death,=20
			I think.  Big-

					ANNIE
 				(Overlapping)=20
			Yeah?

					ALVY
 			-big subject with me, yeah.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah?

They move over to the cashier line.

					ALVY
				(Gesturing)=20
			I've a very pessimistic view of life. =20
			You should know this about me if we're=20
			gonna go out, you know. I-I-I feel that=20
			life is-is divided up into the horrible=20
			and the miserable.

					ANNIE
 			M'hm.

					ALVY
			Those are the two categories ...

					ANNIE=20
			M'hm.

					ALVY   =20
			... you know, they're- The-the horrible=20
			would be like, uh, I don't know, terminal=20
			cases, you know?

					ANNIE
 			M'hm.

					ALVY   =20
			And blind people, crippled ...

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					ALVY
    			I don't-don't know how they get through=20
			life.  It's amazing to me.

					ANNIE
 			M'hm.

					ALVY
 			You know, and the miserable is everyone=20
			else.  That's-that's all.  So-so when=20
			you go through life you should be thankful=20
			that you're miserable, because that's-=20
			You're very lucky ... to be ...=20
				(Overlapping Annie's laughter)=20
			... to be miserable.

					ANNIE
 			U-huh.

EXT. PARK-DAY

It's a beautiful sunny day in Central Park.  People are sitting on =
benches,=20
others strolling, some walking dogs.  One woman stands feeding cooing =
pigeons.
Alvy's and Annie's voices are heard off screen as they observe the scene =
before
them.  An older man and woman walk into view.

					ALVY
			Look, look at that guy.

					ANNIE
 			M'hm.

					ALVY
			There's-there's-there's-there's Mr.=20
			When-in-the-Pink, Mr. Miami Beach, there,=20
			you know?=20
				(Over Annie's laughter)=20
			He's the latest! just came back from=20
			the gin-rummy farm last night. He=20
			placed third.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			M'hm.  Yeah.  Yeah.

The camera shows them sitting side by side relaxed on a bench.

					ALVY=20
				(Watching two men approach, one=20
				lighting a cigar)=20
			Look at these guys.

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.

					ALVY  =20
			Oh, that's hilarious.  They're back=20
			from Fire Island.  They're ... they're=20
			sort of giving it a chance-you know what=20
			I mean?

					ANNIE
   			Oh! Italian, right?

					ALVY=20
  			Yeah, he's the Mafia.  Linen Supply Business=20
			or Cement and Contract, you know what I mean?

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, yeah.

					ALVY=20
			No, I'm serious.=20
				(Over Annie's laughter)=20
			I just got my mustache wet.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, yeah?

					ALVY=20
				(As another man walks by)=20
			And there's the winner of the Truman=20
			Capote look-alike contest.

EXT. STREET-NIGHT

Alvy and Annie walk almost in silhouette along the dock, the New York =
City=20
skyline in the background.  Alvy has his arm around Annie and they walk =
slowly.
No one else is around.

					ANNIE=09
			You see, like you and I ...

					ALVY=09
			You are extremely sexy.

					ANNIE=09
			No, I'm not.

					ALVY=09
			Unbelievably sexy.  Yes, you are. =20
			Because ... you know what you are? =20
			You're-you're polymorphously perverse.

					ANNIE=09
			Well, what does-what does that mean? =20
			I don't know what that is.

					ALVY=20
			Uh ... uh, you're-you're exceptional=20
			in bed because you got -you get pleasure=20
			in every part of your body when I touch you.

					ANNIE=20
			Ooooh!

They stop walking.  Holding Annie's arms, Alvy turns her to face him.  =
The=20
South Street Bridge, lit up for the night, is in the background.

					ALVY=20
			You know what I mean?  Like the tip=20
			o'your nose, and if I stroke your teeth=20
			or your kneecaps ... you get excited.

					ANNIE=20
			Come on.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Yeah.  You know what?  You know, I=20
			like you, I really mean it.  I really do=20
			like you.

					ALVY
			You- Do you love me?

					ANNIE
			Do I love you?

					ALVY
			That's the key question.

					ANNIE
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			I know you've only known me a short=20
			while.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, I certainly ... I think that's=20
			very- Yeah, yeah ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			yeah.  Do you love me?

					ALVY
 			I-uh, love is, uh, is too weak a word=20
			for what...

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.

					ALVY
			- I ... I love you.=20
				(Over Annie's laughter)=20
			You know I lo-ove you, I-I love you.=20
				(Over Annie's laughter)=20
			I-I have to invent- Of course I love you.

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
				(Putting his arms around her neck)=20
			Don't you think I do?

					ANNIE
 			I dunno.

They kiss as a foghorn sounds in the distance.

INT. ALVY'S APARTMENT

Alvy, somewhat distraught, is following Annie around his apartment, =
which is=20
filled with boxes and suitcases, clothes and framed pictures.  They both =
carry=20
cartons.

					ALVY
 			Whatta you mean?  You're not gonna give=20
			up your own apartment, are you?

					ANNIE
				(Putting down the carton)=20
			Of course.

					ALVY
			Yeah, bu-bu-but why?

					ANNIE
			Well, I mean, I'm moving in with you,=20
			that's why.

					ALVY
			Yeah, but you-you got a nice apartment.

					ANNIE
			I have a tiny apartment.

					ALVY
     			Yeah, I know it's small.

					ANNIE=20
				(Picking up the suitcases and=20
				walking into the bedroom)=20
			That's right, and it's got bad plumbing=20
			and bugs.

					ALVY
				(Picking up some pictures and=20
				following Annie into the bedroom)=20
			All right, granted, it has bad plumbing=20
			and bugs, but you-you say that like it's a=20
			negative thing.  You know, bugs are-are-uh,=20
			entomology is a ...=20
				(Annie, reacting, tosses the=20
				suitcases and some loose clothing=20
				onto the bed.  She sits down on the=20
				edge, looking away. Alvy walks in,=20
				pictures and carton in band, still=20
				talking)=20
			... rapidly growing field.

					ANNIE
			You don't want me to live with you?

					ALVY=20
			How- I don't want you to live with me? =20
			How- Whose idea was it?

					ANNIE=20
			Mine.

					ALVY=20
			Ye-ah.  Was it ... It was yours actually,=20
			but, uh, I approved it immediately.

					ANNIE=20
			I guess you think that I talked you into=20
			something, huh?
				(putting pictures on the mantel)=20
		=09
					ALVY
			No-what, what ...? I ... we live together,=20
			we sleep together, we eat together.  Jesus,=20
			you don't want it to be like we're married,=20
			do yuh?

He moves over to the carton of books on the window seat and reaches in.  =
He=20
starts tossing books off screen.

					ANNIE
				(Looking up at Alvy)=20
			How is it any different?

					ALVY =20
				(Gesturing)=20
			It's different 'cause you keep your own=20
			apartment.=20
				(Holding a book, he starts walking=20
				around the room)=20
			Because you know it's there, we don't=20
			have to go to it, we don't have to deal=20
			with it, but it's like a-a-a free-floating=20
			life raft ... that we know that we're not=20
			married.

He tosses the book on the bed and walks back to the window seat.

					ANNIE =20
				(Still sitting on the bed)=20
			That little apartment is four hundred=20
			dollars a month, Alvy.

					ALVY  =20
				(Looking at Annie)=20
			That place is four hundred dollars a month?

					ANNIE =20
			Yes, it is. =20

					ALVY=20
				(Whistling)=20
			It's-it's got bad plumbing and bugs.  Jesus,=20
			I'll-My accountant will write it off as a=20
			tax deduction, I'll pay for it.

					ANNIE=20
				(Shaking her head)=20
			You don't think I'm smart enough to be=20
			serious about.

					ALVY =20
			Hey, don't be ridiculous.

Alvy moves over to the bed and sits down next to Annie.

					ANNIE =20
			Then why are you always pushing me to take=20
			those college courses like I was dumb or=20
			something?

					ALVY =20
				(Putting his hand to his forehead)=20
			'Cause adult education's a wonderful thing. =20
			You meet a lotta interesting professors. =20
			You know, it's stimulating.

EXT. COUNTRY HIGHWAY - DAY

Annie and Alvy, in Annie's VW, driving to their summerhouse.  The camera =
moves=20
with them as they pass a house with a lighted window, blooming foliage.  =
There=20
is no dialogue, but it is a comfortable quiet.  Classical music plays in =
the=20
background.

									CUT TO:

INT. COUNTRY HOUSE - NIGHT

Annie, sitting cross-legged on a wooden chest in the bedroom, is =
browsing=20
through a school catalogue.  Alvy lies in bed reading.

					ANNIE=20
				(Reading)=20
			Does this sound like a good course? =20
			Uh, "Modern American Poetry"?  Uh, or,=20
			uh-let's see now ... maybe I should, uh,=20
			take "Introduction to the Novel."

					ALVY=20
			Just don't take any course where they=20
			make you read Beowulf.

					ANNIE=20
			What?=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Hey, listen, what-what do you think?  Do=20
			you think we should, uh, go to that-that=20
			party in Southampton tonight?=20

Alvy leans over and kisses her shoulder.

					ALVY=20
			No, don't be silly.  What-what do we need=20
			other people for?=20
				(He puts his arms around her neck,=20
				kissing her, Annie making muffled=20
				sounds)=20
			You know, we should-we should just turn=20
			out the lights, you know, and play hide=20
			and seek or something.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Well, okay.  Well, listen, I'm gonna get=20
			a cigarette, okay?

					ALVY=20
				(Yelling out to her as she leaves=20
				the room)=20
			Yeah, grass, right?  The illusion that=20
			it will make a white woman more like=20
			Billie Holiday.

					ANNIE=20
				(Off screen)=20
			Well, have you ever made love high?

					ALVY
			Me, no.  You ... I-I-you know, if I=20
			have grass or alcohol or anything I=20
			get unbearably wonderful.  I get too,=20
			too wonderful for words.  You know,=20
			I don't-I don't know why you have to,=20
			uh, get high every time we make love.

					ANNIE=20
				(Moving back into the room and=20
				lighting a joint)=20
			It relaxes me.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, you-you have to be artificially=20
			relaxed before we can go to bed?

					ANNIE=20
				(Closing the door)=20
			Well, what's the difference, anyway?

					ALVY=20
			Well, I'll give you a shot of sodium=20
			pentothal.  You can sleep through it.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, come on, look who's talking.  You've=20
			been seeing a psychiatrist for fifteen years.=20
				(She gets into bed and takes a=20
				puff of marijuana)=20
			You should smoke some o' this.  You'd be=20
			off the couch in no time.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, come, you don't need that.

Alvy, sitting down on the bed, moves over to Annie and takes the weed =
from her.

					ANNIE=20
			What are you doing?

					ALVY=20
				(Kissing her)=20
			No, no, no, what ... You can once, you=20
			can live without it once.  Come on.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, no, Alvy, please. Alvy, please.
				(Laughing and making sounds)=20
			M'mrnm.

					ALVY=20
			M'm, wait, I got a great idea.=20
				(He gets up and goes over to the=20
				closet, taking out a light bulb. =20
				He goes back to the bed and turns=20
				out the lamp on the night table)=20
			Hang in there for a second.  I got a=20
			little-little artifact.  A little erotic=20
			artifact, that-that I brought up from the=20
			city, which I think, uh, is gonna be perfect.=20
				(He turns the lamp back on, having=20
				replaced the bulb with the red one=20
				from the closet)=20
			I just ... there ... There's a little Old=20
			New Orleans ... essence.  Now-now we can go=20
			about our business here and we can even=20
			develop photographs if we want to.  There,=20
			now there.=20
				(He undresses and crawls into bed,=20
				taking Annie in his arms)=20
			M'mmm.  M'mmm.  Hey, is something wrong? =20

					ANNIE

			Uh-uh-why?

					ALVY=20
			I don't know.  You- It's like you're-
			you're removed.

					ANNIE=20
			No, I'm fine.

As Annie speaks, her inner self (ghostlike, moves up from the bed and) =
sits=20
down on a chair, watching.

					ALVY=20
			Really?

					ANNIE=20
			U-huh.

					ALVY=20
			I don't know, but you seem sort of distant.=20

					ANNIE=20
			Let's just do it, all right?

					ALVY
				(Kissing and caressing Annie)=20
			Is it my imagination or are you just=20
			going through the motions?

					ANNIE'S SPIRIT =20
			Alvy, do you remember where I put my=20
			drawing pad?  Because while you two are=20
			doing that, I think I'm gonna do some=20
			drawing.

					ALVY=20
				(Reacting)=20
			You see, that's what I call removed.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, you have my body.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, but that's not-that's no good. =20
			I want the whole thing.=20

					ANNIE=20
				(Sighing)=20
			Well, I need grass and so do you.

					ALVY=20
			Well, it ruins it for me if you have grass=20
				(Clearing his throat)
			 because, you know, I'm, like, a comedian-

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			M'hm.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			-so if I get a laugh from a person who's=20
			high, it doesn't count.  You know-'cause=20
			they're always laughin'.

					ANNIE=20
			Were you always funny?

					ALVY=20
			Hey, what is this-an interview?  We're=20
			supposed to be making love.

									CUT TO:

INT. OFFICE.

A typical old-fashioned theatrical agency in a Broadway office building. =

Autographed 8 X 12 is plastered in the sloppy room.  The agent, chewing =
a=20
cigar, sits behind his desk talking to one of his clients, a comedian, =
who=20
stands with his hands in his pockets.  A young Alvy sits stiffly in a =
chair=20
nearby watching.

					AGENT=20
			This guy is naturally funny.  I think=20
			he can write for you.

					COMIC=20
				(Buttoning his jacket)=20
			Yeah, yeah.  Hey, kid, he tells me you're=20
			really good.  Well, lemme explain a little=20
			bit o' how I work.  You know, you can tell=20
			right off the bat that I don't look like=20
			a funny guy when I come-you know, like some=20
			o' the guys that come out.  You know, right=20
			away=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			they're gonna tell yuh their stories, you're=20
			gonna fall down, but I gotta be really=20
			talented.  Material's gotta be sensational=20
			for me 'cause I work, you know, with very,=20
			very ... Come on, I'm kinda classy, you=20
			know what I mean?  Uh ... uh ... lemme=20
			explain.  For instance, I open with an=20
			opening song.  A musical start like=20
				(Ad-lib singing)=20
			and I walk out=20
				(Ad-lib singing) =20
			"Place looks wonderful from here and=20
			you folks look wonderful from here!=20
				(Singing)
			"And seein' you there
			With a smile on your face
			Makes me shout
			This must be the place."
			Then I stop right in the middle and then=20
			I open with some jokes.  Now, that's where=20
			I need you, right there.  For instance, like=20
			I say, "Hey, I just got back from Canada,=20
			you know, they speak a lotta French up=20
			there.  The only way to remember Jeanne=20
			d'Arc means the light's out in the bathroom!"=20
				(He laughs.  Seated Alvy looks=20
				up smiling)=20
			"Oh, I met a big lumberjack ..."

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
				(To himself)=20
			Jesus, this guy's pathetic.=20

					COMIC=20
				(Overlapping above speech)=20
			... big lumberjack ...

					ALVY'S VOICE=20
				(To himself while the comic=20
				continues his routine)=20
			Look at him mincing around, like he=20
			thinks he's real cute.  You wanna throw=20
			up.  If only I had the nerve to do my=20
			own jokes.  I don't know how much longer=20
			I can keep this smile frozen on my face. =20
			I'm in the wrong business, I know it.

					COMIC=20
				(Overlapping above speech)=20
			"'Cherie, come back.  I love you.=20
				(Shaking his lips and mimicking)=20
			But, uh, Cheri, what will I do with this,=20
			uh?' He says, 'Aw, Marie, sometime you=20
			make me so mad."'=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, they scream at that.  Now, write me=20
			somethin' like that, will yuh?  Kinda=20
			French number, can yuh do it?  Huh, kid?

INT. THEATER - NIGHT

The darkened auditorium is filled with college students applauding and =
cheering,
excited, as Alvy stands on spotlighted stage holding the microphone.

					ALVY=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			W-where am I? I-I keep ... I have to=20
			reorient myself.  This is the University=20
			of Wisconsin, right?  So I'm always ...=20
			I'm tense and ... uh, when I'm playin' a=20
			col- I've a very bad history with colleges. =20
			You know, I went to New York University and,=20
			uh, tsch, I was thrown out of NYU my freshman=20
			year ... for cheating on my metaphysics final. =20
			You know, I looked within the soul of the=20
			boy sitting next to me-=20
				(The audience laughs; they're with him)
			 -and when I was thrown out, my mother,=20
			who's an emotionally high-strung woman,=20
			locked herself in the bathroom and took an=20
			overdose of mah-jongg tiles.=20
				(More applause and laughter)=20
			And, uh, tsch, I was depressed.  I was ...=20
			in analysis, I-I, uh, was suicidal; as a=20
			matter of fact, uh, I would have killed=20
			myself but I was in analysis with a strict=20
			Freudian and if you kill yourself ... they=20
			make you pay for the sessions you miss.

INT. BACKSTAGE OF THEATER.

Students mill around Alvy banding him pens and paper for autographs.
Annie is next to him, talking over the chattering fans.

					ANNIE=20
			Alvy, you were ... Alvy, you were just=20
			great, I'm not kidding.  It was- You=20
			were so neat.

					ALVY=20
			C-c-coll- College audiences are so wonderful.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.  Yeah.  And you know something? =20
			I think that I'm starting to get more=20
			of your references, too.

					ALVY
			Are yuh?

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			Well, the twelve o'clock show is=20
			completely different than the nine.

					YOUNG WOMAN=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			May I have your autograph?

					ANNIE=20
				(Over lapping above speech)=20
			Oh.

					ALVY=20
				(To Annie, while autographing)=20
			You're so sure about it.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, I'm really, uh, looking forward to=20
			tomorrow.  I mean, you know, I think that=20
			it'll be really nice to meet Mother and=20
			Father.=20

They start moving toward the exit, a girl snapping a picture of Alvy =
with a=20
flash camera as they walk through the crowd.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, I know, they'll hate me immediately.=20
				(To one of his fans)=20
			Thank you.

					ANNIE=20
			No, I don't think so.  No, I don't think=20
			they're gonna hate you at all.  On the=20
			contrary, I think-

					ALVY=20
			Yeah.

					ANNIE=20
			It's Easter.  You know, we'll have a nice=20
			dinner, we'll sit down and eat.  I think=20
			they're gonna really like you.

EXT. ANNIE'S PARENTS' HOME-DAY

The camera shows a neat two-story house surrounded by a well-manicured =
green=20
lawn, then cuts to:

INT. DINING ROOM.

Alvy and the Halls are eating Easter dinner.  The sun is pouring through =
a big=20
picture window, shining on a large, elegantly laid out table. Alvy sits, =
at one
end,- rubbing his nose and chewing, the Halls flanking him on either =
side: Mr.
and Mrs. Hall, Grammy, and Annie's brother, Duane.

					MOM HALL=20
				(Holding her wine glass)=20
			It's a nice ham this year, Mom.=20

Grammy Hall takes a sip of her wine and nods.

					ANNIE=20
				(Smiling at Duane)=20
			Oh, yeah.  Grammy always does such=20
			a good job.

					DAD HALL=20
				(Chewing)=20
			A great sauce.

					ALVY=20
			It is.=20
				(Smacking his lips)=20
			It's dynamite ham.

Grammy Hall stares down the table at Alvy; a look of utter dislike. Alvy =
tries=20
not to notice.

					MOM HALL=20
				(To Dad Hall, smoothing her hair)=20
			We went over to the swap meet.  Annie,=20
			Gram and I. Got some nice picture frames.

					ANNIE=20
			We really had a good time.

Grammy continues to stare at Alvy; he is now dressed in the long black =
coat and
hat of the Orthodox Jew, complete with mustache and heard.

					MOM HALL=20
				(Lighting a cigarette and turning=20
				to Alvy)=20
			Ann tells us that you've been seeing a=20
			psychiatrist for fifteen years.

					ALVY=20
				(Setting down his glass and coughing)=20
			Yes.  I'm making excellent progress. =20
			Pretty soon when I lie down on his couch,=20
			I won't have to wear the lobster bib.

Mom Hall reacts by sipping from her glass and frowning.  Grammy =
continues to=20
stare.

					DAD HALL=20
			Duane and I went out to the boat basin.

					DUANE=20
			We were caulkin' holes all day.

					DAD HALL=20
			Yeah.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Randolph Hunt was drunk, as usual.

					MOM HALL=20
			Oh, that Randolph Hunt.  You remember=20
			Randy Hunt, Annie.  He was in the choir=20
			with you.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, yes, yes.

Alvy, leaning his elbow on the table, looks out toward the camera.

					ALVY=20
				(To the audience)=20
			I can't believe this family.=20
				(Making chewing sounds)=20
			Annie's mother.  She really's beautiful. =20
			And they're talkin' swap meets and boat=20
			basins, and the old lady at the end of=20
			the table=20
				(Pointing to Grammy)=20
			is a classic Jew hater.  And, uh, they,=20
			they realty look American, you know,=20
			very healthy and ... like they never=20
			get sick or anything.  Nothing like my=20
			family.  You know, the two are like oil=20
			and water.

The screen splits in half - on the right is Alvy's family - his mother, =
father,
aunt and uncle-busily eating at the crowded kitchen table.  They eat =
quickly=20
and interrupt one another loudly.  On the left the Halls in their dining =
room.=20
Both dialogues overlap, juxtaposed.

					ALVY'S FATHER=20
			Let 'im drop dead!  Who needs his=20
			business?!

					ALVY'S MOTHER=20
			His wife has diabetes!

					ALVY'S FATHER=20
			Di-diabetes?  Is that any excuse? =20
			Diabetes?

					ALVY'S UNCLE=20
			The man is fifty years old and doesn't=20
			have a substantial job.

					ALVY'S AUNT=20
				(Putting more meat on her=20
				husband's plate)=20
			Is that a reason to steal from his father?

					ALVY'S UNCLE=20
			Whatta you talkin' about?  You don't=20
			know what you're talking about.

					ALVY'S AUNT=20
			Yes, I know what I'm talking about.

					ALVY'S MOTHER=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			George, defend him!

					ALVY'S UNCLE=20
				(Over Alvy's father's muttering)=20
			No Moskowitz he had a coronary.

					ALVY'S AUNT=20
			You don't say.

					ALVY'S MOTHER=20
			We fast.

					MOM HALL=20
			Stupid Thelma Poindexter ... to the=20
			Veterans Hospital.

					DAD HALL=20
			My God, he's the new president of the=20
			El Regis.  Let me tell you, the man is=20
			somethin' else.

					MOM HALL=20
			That's Jack's wife.  We used to make=20
			that outta raisins.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, yes, that's right.  Did you see=20
			the new play?

					MOM HALL=20
			Oh, you remember her, Annie.

					ANNIE=20
			Yes, I do.

The two families start talking back and forth to one another.  The =
screen is=20
still split.

					MOM HALL=20
			How do you plan to spend the holidays,=20
			Mrs. Singer?

					DAD HALL=20
			Fast?

					ALVY'S FATHER=20
			Yeah, no food.  You know, we have to=20
			atone for our sins.

					MOM HALL=20
			What sins?  I don't understand.

					ALVY'S FATHER=20
			Tell you the truth, neither do we.

									CUT TO:

INT. DUANE'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

Duane, sitting on his bed, sees Alvy walking past the open door.

					DUANE=20
			Alvy.

					ALVY=20
				(Walking in)=20
			Oh, hi, Duane, how's it goin'?

					DUANE=20
			This is my room.

					ALVY=20
				(Looking around)=20
			Oh, yeah?=20
				(He clears his throat)=20
			Terrific.

					DUANE=20
			Can I confess something?

Alvy sighs and sits down, leaning his arm on Duane's dresser.  Duane's =
face is=20
big lighted by a single lamp.

					DUANE=20
			I tell you this because, as an artist,=20
			I think you'll understand.  Sometimes=20
			when I'm driving ... on the road at night
			... I see two headlights coming toward me. =20
			Fast.  I have this sudden impulse to turn=20
			the wheel quickly, head-on into the=20
			oncoming car.  I can anticipate the=20
			explosion.  The sound of shattering glass. =20
			The ... flames rising out of the flowing=20
			gasoline.

					ALVY=20
				(Reacting and clearing his throat)=20
			Right.  Tsch, well, I have to-I have=20
			t-o go now, Duane, because I-I'm due=20
			back on the planet earth.=20

He slowly gets up and moves toward the door.

INT. THE HALLS' LIVING ROOM.

Mom and Dad Hall walk into the living room; Annie is with them.

					MOM HALL
			Now, don't let it be so long, now.

					ANNIE=20
			No.

					DAD HALL=20
			And look up Uncle Bill, you promise.=20

					ANNIE=20
			Okay.  Okay.

					MOM HALL=20
			Oh, he's adorable, Annie.

					ANNIE=20
			You think so?  Do you really?

					MOM HALL=20
			We're going to take them to the airport.
				=09
					DAD HALL=20
			Oh, no-Duane can.  I haven't finished=20
			my drink.=20

					ANNIE=20
			Yes, Duane is.  I'll be right-

					MOM HALL=20
			M'mmm.

					ANNIE=20
			I just have time to get the, uh-

She walks out of the room as Mom and Dad Hall kiss.

EXT. ROAD - NIGHT

Duane, behind the wheel, stares straight ahead.  It is raining very =
hard, the=20
windshield wipers are moving quickly.  The headlights of another car =
brightens=20
the interior of Duane's car as the camera shows first Duane, then Annie, =
then=20
Alvy tensely staring straight ahead.

EXT. STREET- DAY

The camera bolds on a quiet New York City street; the buildings, =
brownstones.=20
It's a warm day-people sit on front stoops, window boxes are planted. =
Annie=20
walks into the frame first, then Alvy, who is walking to her right. They =
walk=20
quickly, side by side, their voices heard before they move into the =
frame.

					ANNIE=20
				(Off screen)=20
			You followed me.  I can't believe it!

					ALVY=20
				(Off screen)=20
			I didn't follow you!

					ANNIE =20
			You followed me!

					ALVY  =20
			Why?  'Cause I ... was walkin' along=20
			a block behind you staring at you? =20
			That's not following!

					ANNIE=20
			Well, what is your definition of=20
			following?

					ALVY=20
				(Gasping)=20
			Following is different.  I was spying.

					ANNIE=20
			Do you realize how paranoid you are?

					ALVY=20
			Paranoid?  I'm looking at you.  You=20
			got your arms around another guy.

					ANNIE=20
			That is the worst kind of paranoia.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah-well, I didn't start out spying. =20
			I-I thought I'd surprise yuh.  Pick you=20
			up after school.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah-well, you wanted to keep the=20
			relationship flexible, remember? =20
			It's your phrase.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, stop it.  But you were having an=20
			affair with your college professor. =20
			That jerk that teaches that incredible=20
			crap course "Contemporary Crisis in=20
			Western Man"!

					ANNIE=20
			"Existential Motifs in Russian Literature"! =20
			You're really close.

					ALVY=20
			What's the difference?  It's all mental=20
			masturbation.

					ANNIE=20
				(Stopping for a moment)=20
			Oh, well, now we're finally getting to=20
			a subject you know something about!

She walks away.

					ALVY=20
				(Catching up to her)=20
			Hey, don't knock masturbation!  It's=20
			sex with someone I love.

					ANNIE=20
				(Continuing to walk quickly)=20
			We're not having an affair.  He's married. =20
			He just happens to think I'm neat.

					ALVY=20
				(Still walking next to her)=20
			"Neat"!  There's that- What are you-twelve=20
			years old?  That's one o' your Chippewa=20
			Falls expressions!  "He thinks I'm neat."

					ANNIE=20
			Who cares?  Who cares?

					ALVY
			Next thing you know he'll find you keen
			and peachy, you know?  Next thing you=20
			know he's got his hand on your ass! =20

They both stop in the middle of the street.

					ANNIE=20
			You've always had hostility toward=20
			David ever since I mentioned him!

					ALVY=20
			David?  You call your teacher David?

					ANNIE=20
			It's his name.

					ALVY
 			Well, listen, that's, a nice bi-it's=20
			a biblical name.  Right?  W-What does=20
			he call you?  Bathsheba?

He walks away.

					ANNIE=20
				(Calling after him)=20
			Alvy!  Alvy!  You're the one who never=20
			wanted to make a real commitment.  You=20
			don't think I'm smart enough!  We had=20
			that argument just last month, or don't=20
			ou remember that day?

									CUT TO:

INT. KITCHEN.

Alvy is at the sink washing dishes as the screen cuts to the scene of =
last=20
month's argument.  Annie's voice is heard.

					ANNIE=20
				(Off screen)=20
			I'm home!

					ALVY=20
				(Turning)=20
			Oh, yeah?  How'd it go?

					ANNIE=20
				(Comes into the kitchen and puts=20
				down a bag of groceries on the=20
				kitchen table)=20
			Oh, it was ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			really weird.  But she's a very nice woman.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah?

					ANNIE=20
			And I didn't have to lie down on the couch,=20
			Alvy, she had me sitting up.  So I told her=20
			about-about the-the family and about my=20
			feelings toward men and about my=20
			relationship with my brother.

					ALVY=20
			M'm.

					ANNIE=20
			And then she mentioned penis envy ...=20
			Did you know about that?

					ALVY=20
			Me?  I'm-I'm one of the few males who=20
			suffers from that, so, so ... you know.

					ANNIE=20
			M'hm.

					ALVY=20
			G-go on, I'm interested.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, she said that I was very guilty=20
			about my impulses toward marriage,=20
			and-and children.

					ALVY=20
			M'hm.

					ANNIE=20
			And then I remembered when I was a kid=20
			how I accidentally saw my parents making=20
			love.

					ALVY=20
			Tsch.  Rea- All this happened in the=20
			first hour?

					ANNIE=20
			M'hm.

					ALVY=20
			That's amazing. I-I-I ... I've been=20
			goin' for fifteen years, I-you know,=20
			I don't got ... nothing like that in-

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, I told her my dream and then I cried.

					ALVY
			You cried?  I've never once cried. =20
			Fantastic ...

					ANNIE
				(Taking groceries from the bag)=20
			Yeah.

					ALVY
			I whine. I-I-I sit and I whine.

					ANNIE
			In-in ... Alvy, in my dream Frank=20
			Sinatra is holding his pillow across=20
			my face and I can't breathe.

					ALVY=20
			Sinatra?

					ANNIE
			Yeah, and he's strangling me ...

					ALVY
			Yeah?

					ANNIE
			... and I keep, you know, it's-

					ALVY=20
				(Taking a bottle of juice and=20
				some celery from the bag)=20
			Well, well, sure ... because he's a=20
			singer and you're a singer, you know,=20
			so it's perfect.  So you're trying to=20
			suffocate yourself.  It-it makes perfect=20
			sense.  Uh, uh, that's a perfect analytic=20
			... kind of insight.

					ANNIE=20
				(Pointing her finger at Alvy)=20
			She said, your name was Alvy Singer.

					ALVY=20
				(Turning to Annie)=20
			Whatta you mean?  Me?

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah, yeah, yeah, you.  Because in the=20
			dream ... I break Sinatra's glasses.

					ALVY=20
				(Putting his band to his mouth)=20
			Sinatra had gl- You never said Sinatra=20
			had glasses.  So whatta you saying that=20
			I-I'm suffocating you?

					ANNIE=20
				(Turning, ajar in her hand)=20
			Oh, and God, Alvy, I did ... this really=20
			terrible thing to him.  Because then when=20
			he sang it was in this real high-pitched=20
			voice.

					ALVY=20
				(Thinking)=20
			Tsch, what'd the doctor say?

					ANNIE=20
				(Putting away some groceries)
			Well, she said that I should probably=20
			come five times a week.  And you know=20
			something?  I don't think I mind analysis=20
			at all.  The only question is, Will it=20
			change my wife?

					ALVY=20
			Will it change your wife?

					ANNIE=20
			Will it change my life?

					ALVY
			Yeah, but you said, "Will it change=20
			my wife"!

					ANNIE
			No, I didn't.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I said, "Will it change my life," Alvy.

					ALVY
			You said, "Will it change. . ." Wife. =20
			Will it change ...

					ANNIE
				(Yelling out, angry)=20
			Life.  I said, "life."

Alvy turns toward the camera.

					ALVY=20
				(To the audience)=20
			She said, "Will it change my wife." You=20
			heard that because you were there so I'm=20
			not crazy.

					ANNIE
 			And, Alvy ... and then I told her about=20
			how I didn't think you'd ever really take=20
			me seriously, because you don't think that=20
			I'm smart enough.

She walks out of the room.

					ALVY
 				(To Annie's back, gesturing)=20
			Why do you always bring that up?  Because=20
			I encourage you to take adult-education=20
			courses?  I think it's a wonderful thing. =20
			You meet wonderful, interesting professors'.

									CUT TO:

EXT. STREET

Annie stands at the open door of a cab, Alvy next to her gesturing as =
people=20
and cars move by.

					ALVY=20
			Adult education is such junk!  The=20
			professors are so phony.  How can you=20
			do it?

					ANNIE=20
			A bit rapidly.  I don't care what you=20
			say about David, he's a perfectly fine=20
			teacher!

					ALVY=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			David!  David!  I can't believe this!=20
=20
					ANNIE=20
			And what are you doing following me=20
			around for, anyway?
 =20
					ALVY=20
			I'm following you and David, if you-

					ANNIE =20
				(Interrupting)=20
			I just think we oughta call this=20
			relationship quits!=20

Annie gets into the cab; Alvy leans over and closes the door.

ALVY
 			That's fine.  That's fine.  That's great!=20
				(He turns toward the camera as the=20
				cab drives away)=20
			Well, I don't know what I did wrong.=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			I mean, I can't believe this.  Somewhere=20
			she cooled off to me!=20
				(He walks up to an older woman=20
				walking down the street carrying=20
				groceries)=20
			Is it-is it something that I did?

WOMAN ON THE STREET=20
			Never something you do.  That's how=20
			people are. Love fades.

She moves on down the street.

ALVY
 				(Scratching his head)=20
			Love fades.  God, that's a depressing
			thought. Have to ask you a question.=20
				(He stops another passer-by,a man)=20
			Don't go any further.  Now, with your=20
			wife in bed, d-d-does she need some kind=20
			o' artificial stimulation like-like marijuana?

					MAN ON THE STREET=20
			We use a large vibrating egg.

He walks on.

					ALVY=20
				(Continuing to walk)=20
			Large vibrating egg.  Well, I ask a=20
			psychopath, I get that kind of an answer. =20
			Jesus, I-I, uh, here ...=20
				(He moves up the sidewalk to=20
				a young trendy-looking couple,=20
				arms wrapped around each other)=20
			You-you look like a really happy couple. =20
			Uh, uh ... are you?

					YOUNG WOMAN
 			Yeah.

					ALVY
 			Yeah!  So ... so h-h-how do you account=20
			for it?

					YOUNG WOMAN=20
			Uh, I'm very shallow and empty and I=20
			have no ideas and nothing interesting=20
			to say.

					YOUNG MAN=20
			And I'm exactly the same way.

					ALVY=20
			I see.  Well, that's very interesting. =20
			So you've managed to work out something, huh?

					YOUNG MAN=20
			Right.

					YOUNG WOMAN
 			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, well, thanks very much for talking=20
			to me.

He continues to walk past some other passersby and moves into the =
street. A=20
mounted policeman comes by and stops near him. Alvy looks at the horse, =
as if=20
to speak.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER=20
			You know, even as a kid I always went=20
			for the wrong women.  I think that's my=20
			problem.  When my mother took me to see=20
			Snow White, everyone fell in love with=20
			Snow White.  I immediately fell for the=20
			Wicked Queen.

The scene dissolves into a sequence from the animated Snow White and the =
Seven=20
Dwarfs.  The Wicked Queen, resembling Annie, sits in the palace before =
her=20
mirror.  Alvy, as a cartoon figure, sits beside her, arms crossed in =
front of=20
him.

					WICKED QUEEN=20
			We never have any fun anymore.

					CARTOON FIGURE ALVY=20
			How can you say that?

					WICKED QUEEN=20
			Why not?  You're always leaning on me
		 	to improve myself.

					CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
 			You're just upset.  You must be getting=20
			your period.

					WICKED QUEEN
 			I don't get a period!  I'm a cartoon=20
			character.  Can't I be upset once in=20
			a while?

Rob, as a cartoon figure, enters and sits down on the other side of the =
Wicked=20
Queen.

					CARTOON FIGURE ROB  =20
			Max, will you forget about Annie?  I=20
			know lots of women you can date.

					CARTOON FIGURE ALVY
 			I don't wanna go out with any other women.

					CARTOON FIGURE ROB  =20
			Max, have I got a girl for you.  You are
			going to love her.  She's a reporter-

The cartoon figures of Alvy and Rob walk past the Wicked Queen; the =
screen=20
dissolves into the interior of a concert ball.  Rob's voice carries over =
from=20
the cartoon scene as the screen shows Alvy with the female reporter.  =
It's very
crowded, noisy; policeman and reporters are everywhere. Alvy stands with =
his=20
hands in his pockets, watching the commotion.

					CARTOON FIGURE ROB'S VOICE-OVER=20
			-for Rolling Stone.

					FEMALE REPORTER
 			I think there are more people here to=20
			see the Maharishi than there were to see=20
			the Dylan concert.  I covered the Dylan=20
			concert ... which gave me chills. =20
			Especially when he sang "She takes just=20
			like a woman And she makes love just=20
			like a woman Yes, she does And she aches=20
			just like a woman But she breaks just=20
			like a little girl."=20
				(They move toward the aisles as=20
				a guard holds up his hands to stop=20
				them)=20
			Up to that I guess the most charismatic=20
			event I covered was Mick's Birthday when=20
    			the Stones played Madison Square Garden.

					ALVY=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Man, that's great.  That's just great.

					REPORTER=20
			You catch Dylan?

					ALVY=20
				(Coughing)=20
			Me?  No, no. I-I couldn't make it that=20
			ni- My-my raccoon had hepatitis.

					REPORTER=20
			You have a raccoon?

					ALVY=20
				(Gesturing)=20
			Tsch, a few.

					REPORTER
 			The only word for this is trans-plendid. =20
			It's trans-plendid.=20

					ALVY=20
			I can think of another word.

					REPORTER
 			He's God!  I mean, this man is God!  He's=20
			got millions of followers who would crawl=20
			all the way across the world just to touch=20
			the hem of his garment.

					ALVY=20
			Really?  It must be a tremendous hem.

					REPORTER=20
			I'm a Rosicrucian myself.

					ALVY=20
			Are you?

					REPORTER
 			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			I can't get with any religion that=20
			advertises in Popular Mechanics.  Look-=20
				(The Maharisbi, a small, chunky=20
				man, walks out of the men's room,=20
				huge bodyguards flanking him while=20
				policemen bold back the crowds)
			there's God coming outta the men's room.

					REPORTER
 			It's unbelievably trans-plendid!  I was=20
			at the Stones concert in Altamount when=20
			they killed that guy, remember?

					ALVY
 			Yeah, were yuh?  I was-I was at an Alice=20
			Cooper thing where six people were rushed=20
			to the hospital with bad vibes.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM-NIGHT

The reporter is sitting up in bed, lighted cigarette in her hand.  Alvy, =
lying
next to her, rubs his eyes and puts on his eyeglasses.

					REPORTER
 				(Looking down at him)=20
			I hope you don't mind that I took so long=20
			to finish.

					ALVY
 				(Sighing)=20
			Oh, no, no, don't be ... tsch ... don't=20
			be silly.  You know,=20
				(Yawning)=20
			I'm startin' it-I'm startin' to get some=20
			feeling back in my jaw now.

					REPORTER
 			Oh, sex with you is really a kafkaesque=20
			experience.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, tsch, thank you.  H'm.

					REPORTER
 			I mean that as a compliment.

					ALVY =20
				(Making sounds)=20
			I think-I think there's too much burden=20
			placed on the orgasm, you know, to make=20
			up for empty areas in life.

					REPORTER
 			Who said that?

					ALVY=20
				(Rubbing his chin and shoulder)=20
			Uh, oh, I don't know.  It might have=20
			been Leopold and Loeb.=20
				(The telephone rings.  Alvy picks=20
				it up, rising up slightly from the=20
				bed, concerned, as he talks)=20
			Hello.  Oh, hi ... Uh, no, what-what's=20
			the matter?  What-what-what?  You sound=20
			terrible ... No, what- Sure I- Whatta yuh
			-what kind of an emergency? ... No, well,=20
			stay there.  Stay there, I'll come over=20
			right now.  I'll come over right now.  Just=20
			stay there, I'll come right over.

He hangs up.  The reporter sits in bed still, taking in the situation.

INT. ANNIE'S APARTMENT HALLWAY

Annie, looking slightly distraught, goes to open the door to Alvy's =
knock.

					ALVY=20
			What's- It's me, open up.

					ANNIE
 				(Opening the door)=20
			Oh.

					ALVY
 			Are you okay?  What's the matter?=20
				(They look at each other, Annie=20
				sighing)=20
			Are you all right?  What-

					ANNIE
 			There's a spider in the bathroom.

					ALVY =20
				(Reacting)=20
			What?

					ANNIE=20
			There's a big black spider in the bathroom.

					ALVY
 			That's what you got me here for at three=20
			o'clock in the morning, 'cause there's a=20
			spider in the bathroom?

					ANNIE
 			My God, I mean, you know how I am about=20
			insects.
=20
					ALVY
 				(Interrupting, sighing)=20
			Oooh.

					ANNIE
			-I can't sleep with a live thing crawling=20
			around in the bathroom.

					ALVY
 			Kill it!  For Go- What's wrong with you? =20
			Don't you have a can of Raid in the house?

					ANNIE
 				(Shaking her head)=20
			No.

Alvy, disgusted, starts waving his hands and starts to move into the =
living=20
room.

					ALVY
 				(Sighing)=20
			I told you a thousand times you should=20
			always keep, uh, a lotta insect spray. =20
			You never know who's gonna crawl over.

					ANNIE=20
				(Following him)=20
			I know, I know, and a first-aid kit and=20
			a fire extinguisher.

					ALVY
			Jesus.  All right, gimme a magazine. =20
			I- 'cause I'm a little tired.=20
				(While Annie goes of to find=20
				him a magazine, Alvy, still=20
				talking, glances around the=20
				apartment.  He notices a small=20
				book on a cabinet and picks it up.)=20
			You know, you, you joke with-about me,=20
			you make fun of me, but I'm prepared for=20
			anything.  An emergency, a tidal wave,=20
			an earthquake.  Hey, what is this? =20
			What?  Did you go to a rock concert?

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, yeah, really?  Really?  How-how'd=20
			you like it?  Was it-was it, I mean,=20
			did it ... was it heavy?  Did it achieve=20
			total heavy-ocity?  Or was it, uh...

					ANNIE
 			It was just great!

					ALVY
 				(Thumbing through the book)=20
			Oh, humdinger.  When- Well, I got a=20
			wonderful idea.  Why don'tcha get the=20
			guy who took you to the rock concert,=20
			we'll call him and he can come over and=20
			kill the spider.  You know, it's a-

He tosses the book down on the cabinet.

					ANNIE=20
 			I called you; you wanna help me ... or=20
			not?  H'h?  Here.=20

She hands him a magazine.

					ALVY
 				(Looking down at the magazine)=20
			What is this?  What are you, since=20
			when do you read the "National Review"? =20
			What are you turning in to?

					ANNIE
 				(Turning to a nearby chair for=20
				some gum in her pocketbook)=20
			Well, I like to try to get all points=20
			of view.

					ALVY=20
			It's wonderful.  Then why don'tcha get=20
			William F. Buckley to kill the spider?

					ANNIE
 			(Spinning around to face him)=20
			Alvy, you're a little hostile, you=20
			know that?  Not only that, you look=20
			thin and tired.

She puts a piece of gum in her mouth.

					ALVY
  			Well, I was in be- It's three o'clock=20
			in the morning.  You, uh, you got me=20
			outta bed, I ran over here, I couldn't=20
			get a taxi cab.  You said it was an=20
			emergency, and I didn't ge- I ran up=20
			the stairs.  Hell - I was a lot more=20
			attractive when the evening began. =20
			Look, uh, tell- Whatta you- Are you=20
			going with a right-wing rock-and roll=20
			star?  Is that possible?

					ANNIE
 				(Sitting down on a chair arm=20
				and looking up at Alvy)=20
			Would you like a glass of chocolate milk?

					ALVY
 			Hey, what am I-your son?  Whatta you mean?
			I-I came over TV --_

					ANNIE
 				(Touching his chest with her hand)=20
			I got the good chocolate, Alvy.

					ALVY
 			Yeah, where is the spider?

					ANNIE
 			It really is lovely.  It's in the bathroom.

					ALVY
 			Is he in the bathroom?

					ANNIE=20
				(Rising from chair)=20
			Hey, don't squish it, and after it's=20
			dead, flush it down the toilet, okay?=20
			And flush it a couple o' times.

					ALVY
 				(Moving down the hallway to=20
				the bathroom)=20
			Darling, darling, I've been killing=20
			spiders since I was thirty, okay?

					ANNIE
 				(Upset, hands on her neck)=20
			Oh.  What?

					ALVY=20
				(Coming back into the living room)=20
			Very big spider.

					ANNIE
 			Yeah?

					ALVY
 			Two ... Yeah.  Lotta, lotta trouble.=20
			There's two of 'em.=20

Alvy starts walking down the ball again, Annie following.

					ANNIE
 			Two?

					ALVY
  				(Opening a closet door)=20
			Yep.  I didn't think it was that big,=20
			but it's a major spider.  You got a=20
			broom or something with a-

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, I-I left it at your house.

					ALVY
 				(Overlapping)=20
			-snow shovel or anything or something.

					ANNIE
 				(Overlapping)=20
			I think I left it there, I'm sorry.

Reaching up into the closet, Alvy takes out a covered tennis racquet.

					ALVY
 				(Holding the racquet)=20
			Okay, let me have this.

					ANNIE
 			Well, what are you doing ... what are=20
			you doing with-

					ALVY
 			Honey, there's a spider in your bathroom=20
			the size of a Buick.

He walks into the bathroom, Annie looking after him.

					ANNIE
 			Well, okay.  Oooh.

Alvy stands in the middle of the bathroom, tennis racquet in one band, =
rolled
magazine in the other.  He looks over at the shelf above the sink and =
picks up=20
a small container.  He holds it out, shouting off screen to Annie.

					ALVY=20
			Hey, what is this?  You got black soap?
 =20
					ANNIE
 				(Off screen)=20
			It's for my complexion.

					ALVY
 			Whatta-whatta yuh joining a minstrel show? =20
			Geez.=20
				(Alvy turns and starts swapping=20
				the racquet over the shelf, knocking=20
				down articles and breaking glass)=20
			Don't worry!=20
				(He continues to swat the racquet=20
				all over the bathroom.  He finally=20
				moves out of the room, hands close=20
				to his body.  He walks into the=20
				other room, where Annie is sitting=20
				in a corner of her bed leaning against=20
				the wall)=20
			I did it!  I killed them both.  What-what's=20
			the matter?  Whatta you-=20
				(Annie is sobbing, her band over=20
				her face)
			-whatta you sad about?  You- What'd you=20
			want me to do?  Capture 'em and rehabilitate=20
			'em?

					ANNIE
 				(Sobbing and taking Alvy's arm)=20
			Oh, don't go, okay?  Please.
	=09
					ALVY
 				(Sitting down next to her)=20
			Whatta you mean, don't go?  Whatta-whatta
			-what's the matter?  Whatta you expecting
			-termites?  What's the matter?

					ANNIE
 				(Sobbing)=20
			Oh, uh, I don't know.  I miss you.  Tsch.

She beats her fist on the bed.  Reacting, Alvy puts his arm around her =
shoulder
and leans back against the wall.

					ALVY
 			Oh, Jesus, really?

					ANNIE
 				(Leaning on his shoulder)=20
			Oh, yeah.  Oh.=20
				(They kiss)=20
			Oh!  Alvy?

					ALVY=20
			What?

He touches her face gently as she wipes tears from her face.

					ANNIE
 			Was there somebody in your room when=20
			I called you?

					ALVY
 			W-w-whatta you mean?

					ANNIE
 			I mean was there another- I thought I=20
			heard a voice.

					ALVY
			Oh, I had the radio on.

					ANNIE
			Yeah?

					ALVY
			I'm sorry.  I had the television set=20
			... I had the television-

					ANNIE
			Yeah.

Alvy pulls her to him and they kiss again.

									CUT TO:

INT. ALVY'S BED

Alvy is lying in bed next to Annie, who is leaning on her elbow looking =
down=20
at him.  He rubs her arms and she smiles.

					ANNIE
 			Alvy, let's never break up again.  I don't=20
			wanna be apart.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, no, no, I think we're both much too=20
			mature for something like that.

					ANNIE
 			Living together hasn't been so bad, has it?

					ALVY
 			It's all right for me, it's been terrific,=20
			you know?  Better than either one of my=20
			marriages.  See, 'cause. . . 'cause there's=20
			just something different about you.  I=20
			don't know what it is, but it's great.

					ANNIE=20
				(Snickering)=20
			You know I think that if you let me, maybe=20
			I could help you have more fun, you know? =20
			I mean, I know it's hard and ... Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			I don't know.

					ANNIE=20
			Alvy, what about ... what if we go away=20
			this weekend, and we could-

					ALVY
 			Tsch, why don't we get ... why don't=20
			we get Rob, and the three of us'll=20
			drive into Brooklyn, you know, and=20
			we show you the old neighborhood.

					ANNIE
 			Okay, okay.  Okay.

					ALVY
 			That'd be fun for yuh.  Don't you think-

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.

Alvy raises up his head and they kiss.

EXT. HIGHWAY

Annie is behind the wheel in her VW, Rob is beside her, Alvy in the back =
seat
leaning forward so that his head is between them.  They're driving down =
the=20
highway.

					ANNIE
 			-me, my God, it's a great day!

					ALVY=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			Hey, can yuh watch the road?  Watch the --
=20
					ROB
 				(Overlapping)=20
			Yeah, watch the road!

					ALVY=20
			You'll total the whole car.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Hey, you know, I never even visited=20
			Brooklyn before.

					ROB
 			I can't wait to see the old neighborhood.

					ALVY
 			Yeah, the neighborhood's gonna be great.

					ROB
 			We can show her the schoolyard.

					ALVY
 			Right.  I was a great athlete.  Tell=20
			her, Max, I was the best, I was all=20
			schoolyard.

					ROB=20
			Yes, I remember.=20
				(Annie laughs)=20
			He was all schoolyard.  They threw him=20
			a football once, he tried to dribble it.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, well, I used to lose my glasses a lot.

EXT. AMUSEMENT PARK.

Alvy Annie and Rob move toward the roller coaster on the screen.  The =
area's=20
deserted.  Sea gulls are heard.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, look, look, there's that ... that's
			-that's my old house.  That's where I=20
			used to live.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Holy cow!

					ROB
 			You're lucky, Max-where I used to live=20
			is now a pornographic equipment store.

Annie laughs.

					ALVY=20
			I have some very good memories there.

					ROB
 			What kind of good memories, Max? =20
			Your mother and father fighting all=20
			the time.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, and always over the most=20
			ridiculous things.

FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S HOUSE.

Alvy's father sits in his chair.  His mother is polishing a door while =
Alvy=20
lies on the floor playing.  Annie, adult Alvy and Rob quietly walk into =
the=20
scene to watch.

					ALVY'S FATHER
			You fired the cleaning woman?

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			She was stealing.

					ALVY'S FATHER
			But she's colored.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
 			SO?

					ALVY'S FATHER
			So the colored have enough trouble.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			She was going through my pocketbook!

					ALVY'S FATHER
			They're persecuted enough!

					ALVY'S MOTHER
			Who's persecuting?  She stole!

Alvy's father gets up and gets his hard hat.  He sits back down and =
starts=20
polishing it.

					ALVY'S FATHER
 			All right-so we can afford it.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
 			How can we afford it?  On your pay? =20
			What if she steals more?

					ALVY'S FATHER
 			She's a colored woman, from Harlem! =20
			She has no money!  She's got a right=20
			to steal from us!  After all, who is=20
			she gonna steal from if not us?

					ADULT ALVY
 				(Yelling into the scene)=20
			You're both crazy! =20

					ROB
 			They can't hear you, Max.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
 			Leo ... I married a fool!

					ROB
				(Pointing)=20
			Hey, Max!  Who's that?

As the three friends watch Alvy's old living room, the scene has =
suddenly=20
shifted.  A huge crowd stands around the room, laughing, eating, =
chatting and=20
vibrating with the turns of the roller-coaster ride.

					ALVY
 			It-it-it's the welcome-home party=20
			in nineteen forty-five, for my cousin=20
			Herbie.

					ADULT ALVY
 				(Pointing)=20
			Look, look, there's-there's that one=20
			over there, that's Joey Nichols, he=20
			was my-=20
				(Young Alvy stands next to Joey=20
				Nichols, who's sitting in one of=20
				the easy chairs.  They smile at=20
				each other; people and noise all=20
				around)
			-father's friend.  He was always bothering=20
			me when I was a kid.

					JOEY
 			Joey Nichols.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			See.  Nichols.  See, Nichols!=20
				(Joey shows young Alvy his cuff=20
				links and a tie pin, which are=20
				made from nickels, as Alvy stands
				with hands on hips, unconcerned. =20
				Joey then slaps his band to his=20
				forehead and puts a nickel on=20
				his forehead)=20
			Yuh see, nickels!  You can always=20
			remember my name, just think of Joey=20
			Five Cents.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			That's me.  Joey Five Cents!

Joey grabs Alvy's cheeks and pinches them.

					YOUNG ALVY
 				(Turning away)=20
			What an asshole!

A group of women stands near a buffet table eating and listening to Alvy =

mother and her sister, Tessie, and a young girl, as the three friends =
watch.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
 			I was always the sister with good common=20
			sense.  But Tessie was always the one=20
			with personality.  When she was younger,=20
			they all wanted to marry Tessie.

She touches Tessie's shoulder.  Tessie starts to laugh.

					ADULT ALVY
 				(Pointing, to Rob)=20
			Do you believe that, Max?  Tessie=20
			Moskowitz had the personality.  She's=20
			the life of the ghetto, no doubt.

					ALVY'S MOTHER
 				(To the young girl)=20
			She was once a great beauty.

Tessie nods her head "yes."

					ROB=20
			Tessie, they say you were the sister=20
			with personality.

					TESSIE
 				(Addressing the young girl)=20
			I was a great beauty.

					ROB
 			Uh, how did this personality come about?

					TESSIE
 				(Grabbing the young girl's cheek)=20
			I was very charming.

					ROB
 			There were many men interested in you?

					TESSIE
 				(To the young girl)=20
			Oh, I was quite a lively dancer.

Tessie gyrates back and forth imitating a dancer while Annie and the =
adult=20
Alvy lean on each other laughing.

					ROB
 				(Laughing)=20
			That's pretty hard to believe.

EXT. STREET.

Alvy and Annie walk contentedly down a street; Alvy's arm is draped =
around=20
Annie.  People walk by them on the street as they move toward their =
apartment
building.

					ANNIE
 			Well, I had a really good day, you know=20
			that?  It was just a real fine way to=20
			spend my birthday.

					ALVY=20
			Ah?  Oh, well, your birthday's not till=20
			tomorrow, honey, I hate to tell yuh.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah, but it's real close.

					ALVY
 			Yeah, but no presents till midnight.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, darn it.

INT. APARTMENT

Annie and Alvy sit on the sofa.  Annie's unwrapping a gift while Alvy =
watches.

					ANNIE
 				(Making sounds)=20
			This is-
				(Making sounds)
			Huh?

She pulls out flimsy black lingerie from the box.

					ALVY
			Happy birthday.

					ANNIE
			What is this? Is this a...Present?
				(Laughing)
			Are you kidding?

					ALVY
 			Yeah, hey, why don't yuh try it on?

					ANNIE=20
			Uh, yeah, uh ... t-t-this is more like=20
			a present for you, yeah, but it's-

					ALVY=20
			Try it ... it'll add years to our=20
			sex life.

					ANNIE
 				(Looking up at Alvy and laughing)=20
			Uh huh.  Yeah.  Forget it.=20

Alvy leans over and hands her another box as she puts down the lingerie.

					ALVY=20
			Here's a real present.

					ANNIE
 				(Opening the gift)=20
			What... huh?

					ALVY =20
			Check it out.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, yeah?  What is this, anyway?
				(continuing)=20
			Let me see.  Okay, let's... oooh, God!=20
				(She takes out a watch from the box)=20
			Oh, you knew I wanted this ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			God, it's terrific, God!

					ALVY
 				(Making sounds)=20
			Yeah, I know.  Just-just put on the=20
			watch, and-and ... that thing, and=20
			we'll just ...

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Oh!  My God!=20
				(Making sounds)

Alvy kisses Annie.

INT. NIGHT CLUB.

Annie, spotlighted onstage, stands in front of the microphone, smiling.  =
She=20
looks downward and sings "Seems Like Old Times.  " The audience applauds =

loudly as the music fades out.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Thank you.

Alvy sits at the bar, clapping and staring at Annie as she walks over to =
him=20
and sits down.  The low murmur of the night club is surrounding them.

					ALVY
 				(Reacting)=20
			You were-you were sensational.  I mean,=20
			I-you know, I-I told yuh that if yuh stuck=20
			to it, you would be great, and-and, you=20
			know, I-I-you-you were sensational.

					ANNIE=20
				(Looking at Alvy, smiling)=20
			Yeah, well, we have the, I mean, they were=20
			just a terrific audience, I mean, you know,=20
			it makes it really easy for me, because I=20
			can be ... huh?

Tony, a famous record personality, pushes through the crowd, moving =
toward=20
Alvy and Annie.  An entourage follows him as he makes his way to their =
table.=20

TONY=20
			Excuse me.

He shakes hands with Annie, smiling.

					ANNIE=20
 			Oh.

					TONY=20
			Hi, I'm-I'm Tony Lacey.

					ANNIE
 			Well, hi!

					TONY
			Uh, we just wanted to stop by and say=20
			that we really enjoyed your sets.

					ANNIE
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh, yeah, really, oh!

					TONY
			I though it was ... very musical, and I=20
			liked it a lot.

					ANNIE
 			Oh, neat ... oh, that's very nice,=20
			gosh, thanks a lot.

					TONY=20
			Are you ... are you recording?  Or do-=20
			Are you with any label now?

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			No, no, no, not at all.

					TONY =20
 			Uh, well, I'd like to talk to you about=20
			that sometime, if you get a chance.

Seated Alvy looks the other way, reacting.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh.  What about?

					TONY  =20
			... of possibly working together.

					ANNIE=20
				(Looking for the first time at Alvy)=20
			Well, hey, that's, that's nice.  Uh.=20
			Oh, listen, this is, uh, Alvy Singer. =20
			Do you know Alvy?  Uh ... and ... uh ...=20
			Tony Lacey.

					TONY
 			No, I don't-I don't know, but I-I know=20
			your work.  I'm a big fan of yours.

Tony reaches over and shakes hands with Alvy.  The nightclub crowd =
surrounds=20
them all with their low chatter and cigarette smoke.

					ALVY=20
			Thank you very much.  It's a pleasure.

					TONY
 				(Turning to introduce his entourage)=20
			This is, uh, Shawn, and, uh ... Bob and=20
			Petronia.

					ANNIE
 			Hi.

					ENTOURAGE=20
			Hi.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			Hi, hi, Bob ...

					TONY=20
			Uh ... w-we're going back to the Pierre. =20
			We're staying at the Pierre ... and we're=20
			gonna meet Jack and Angelica, and have a=20
			drink there, and ... if you'd like to come,=20
			uh, we'd love to have you.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					TONY
 			And we could just sit and talk ... nothing. =20
			Uh, not a big deal, it's just relax, just=20
			be very mellow.

Annie and Tony and his entourage turn to look at Alvy.

					ALVY=20
				(Fingers to his mouth, reacting)=20
			Remember, we had that thing.

					ANNIE
 			What thing?

					ALVY
 				(Staring at Annie and clearing=20
				his throat)=20
			Don't you remember we-we-we discussed=20
			that thing that we were-

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Thing?

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			-yes, we had, uh ...

					ANNIE=20
				(Looking at Alvy, reacting)=20
			Oh, the thing!  Oh, the thing ...=20
				(Laughing)=20
			... yeah ... yeah.

Annie turns, looks at Tony as he smiles and gestures with his hands.

					TONY=20
			Oh, well, I-if it's inconvenient, eh,=20
			we can't do it now ... that's fine,=20
			too.  W-w-w-we'll do it another time.

					ANNIE
 			Hey-

					TONY=20
			Maybe if you're on the Coast, we'll get=20
			together and ... and we'll meet there.

He shakes hands with Annie.

					ANNIE=20
				(Reacting)=20
			Oh.

					TONY
 			It was a wonderful set.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, gosh.

					TONY=20
				(Smiling)=20
			I really enjoyed it.=20
				(Looking at Alvy)=20
			Nice to have metcha.  Good night.

					ENTOURAGE=20
			Bye-bye.

					ANNIE=20
			Nice to see you ... bye.  Yeah.  Bye.=20

She turns and looks at Alvy.

					ALVY=20
				(Reacting)=20
			What's ... you ... well, what's the=20
			matter, You w-wanna go to that party?

					ANNIE=20
				(Looking down at her hands,=20
				then up at Alvy)=20
			I don't know, I thought it might be kind=20
			of fun, you know what I mean, it'd be=20
			nice to meet some new people.

					ALVY
 				(Sighing)=20
			I'm just not ... you know, I don't think=20
			I could take a mellow eve- 'cause I-I=20
			don't respond well to mellow, you know=20
			what I mean, I-I have a tendency to ...=20
			if I get too mellow, I-I ripen and then=20
			rot.  You know, and it's-it's not good=20
			for my ...=20
				(Making sounds)

					ANNIE=20
			All right, all right, you don't wanna go=20
			to the party, so uh, whatta you wanna do?

INT. MOVIE THEATER.

The screen is projecting the beginning of "The Sorrow and the Pity": a =
street=20
filled with fleeing cars, belongings tied on top and piled in the back =
seats.=20
Subtitles pop on:

"The Jewish warmongers and
Parisian plutocrats tried
to flee with their gold and jewels"

as a narrator explains in German.

									CUT TO.

Split screen: Annie and her psychiatrist on the left; Alvy and his on =
the=20
right. Annie, talking, sits in a white molded chair, as does her doctor. =
=20
The office is very modern: stark, white and chrome. Alvy, talking to his =

psychiatrist, lies on a deep leather sofa, the doctor seated away from =
him. =20
This office looks more like a well-worn den: bookcases overflowing, dark =
wood.
The dialogue is separated in each screen, though no one talks =
simultaneously.

					ANNIE
 				(To her doctor)=20
			That day in Brooklyn was the last day=20
			I remember really having a great time.

					ALVY=20
				(To his doctor)=20
			Well, we never have any laughs anymore,=20
			is the problem.

					ANNIE=20
			Well, I've been moody and dissatisfied.

					ALVY'S PSYCHIATRIST
 			How often do you sleep together?

					ANNIE'S PSYCHIATRIST=20
			Do you have sex often?

					ALVY=20
			Hardly ever.  Maybe three times a week.

					ANNIE=20
			Constantly!  I'd say three times a week. =20
			Like the other night, Alvy wanted to have=20
			sex.

					ALVY=20
			She would not sleep with me the other=20
			night, you know, it's-

					ANNIE=20
			And ... I don't know ... I mean, six months=20
			ago I-I woulda done it.  I woulda done it,=20
			just to please him.

					ALVY=20
			I mean ... I tried everything, you know,=20
			I-I-I put on soft music and my-my red light=20
			bulb, and ...

					ANNIE
 			But the thing is-I mean, since our=20
			discussions here, I feel I have a right=20
			to my own feelings.  I think you woulda=20
			been happy because ... uh, uh, I really=20
			asserted myself.

					ALVY=20
			The incredible thing about it is, I'm=20
			paying for her analysis and she's making=20
			progress and I'm getting screwed.

					ANNIE=20
			I don't know, though, I feel so guilty=20
			because Alvy is paying for it, so, you=20
			know, so I do feel guilty if I don't go=20
			to bed with him.  But if I do go to bed=20
			with him, it's like I'm going against my=20
			own feelings.  I don't know I-I can't win.

					ALVY=20
				(Simultaneously, with Annie)=20
			You know ... it's getting expensive
			...my analyst ... for her analyst.  She-
			she's making progress and I'm not making=20
			any progress.  Her progress is defeating=20
			my progress.

					ANNIE
				(Simultaneously, with Alvy)=20
			Sometimes I think-sometimes I think I=20
			should just live with a woman.

									CUT TO:

INT. APARTMENT

Alvy and Annie sit close together on the sofa in some friends' =
apartment.=20
Their friends, another couple, stand behind the sofa in the background.=20
Excited, they talk almost all at once.

					WOMAN FRIEND=20
			Wow, I don't believe it ... you mean to=20
			tell me you guys have never snorted coke?

					ANNIE=20
			Well, I always wanted to try, you know,=20
			but, uh, Alvy, uh ... he's very down on it.

					ALVY=20
			Hey, don't put it on me.  You kn- Wh-what=20
			is it, I don't wanna put a wad of white=20
			powder in my nose 'cause the-the nasal=20
			membranes ...

They all start talking at once.

					ANNIE=20
			You never wanna try anything new, Alvy.

					ALVY=20
				(Counting on his fingers)=20
			How can you say that?  I mean,=20
				(Making sounds)=20
			who said I-I-I-I said that you, I and that=20
			girl from your acting class should sleep=20
			together in a threesome.

					ANNIE=20
				(Reacting)=20
			That's sick!

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, I know it's sick, but it's new. =20
			You know, you didn't say it couldn't be=20
			sick.

Annie laughs, chatters.

					WOMAN FRIEND=20
			Just come on, Alvy.=20
				(All four are now sitting on the=20
				sofa. The male friend starts to=20
				prepare lines of cocaine; Alvy=20
				and Annie look at each other,=20
				reacting)=20
			Do your body a favor.  Try it, come on.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, yeah?

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.  Come on.  It'd be fun.

					ALVY=20
				(Moving forward on the couch)=20
			Oh, I'm sure it's a lot of fun, 'cause=20
			the Incas did it, you know, and-and=20
			they-they-they were a million laughs.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Alvy, come on, for your own experience. =20
			I mean, you wanna write, why not?

					MALE FRIEND=20
			It's great stuff, Alvy.  Friend of mine=20
			just brought it in from California.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, do you know something-I didn't tell=20
			yuh, we're going to California next week.

					GIRL=20
			Oh, really?

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah ...

					ALVY =20
 			... I'm thrilled.  As you know, uh ...=20
			uh, on my agent's advice I sold out,=20
			and I'm gonna do an appearance on TV.

					ANNIE=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			No, no, no that's not it at all.  Alvy's=20
			giving an award on television.  Gee, he=20
			talks like he's violating a moral issue=20
			sitting here.

					GIRL=20
			You're kidding?

					ALVY=20
			It's so phony, and we have to leave New=20
			York during Christmas week, which really=20
			kills me.

					MAN=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			Alvy, listen, while you're in California,=20
			could you possibly score some coke for me?

Annie laughs.

					ALVY=20
				(Over Annie's laughter)=20
			Sure, sure, I'll be glad to. I-I'll just=20
			put it in a-a-a h-h-hollow heel that I=20
			have in my boot, you know.=20
				(Alvy picks up the small open=20
				gold case of cocaine base the man=20
				placed on the coffee table and
				looks at it, reacting)=20
			H-h-how much is this stuff?

					MAN=20
			It's about two thousand dollars an ounce.

					ANNIE=20
			God.

					ALVY
 			Really?  And what is the kick of it? =20
			Because I never ...

He puts his finger into the drug, smells it and then sneezes.  The =
powder=20
blows all over the room as the man, woman and Annie react silently.

									CUT TO:
=09

CALIFORNIA. BEVERLY HILLS STREET-DAY

It's a warm, beautiful day.  Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's convertible =
are=20
moving past the spacious houses, the palm trees.  The sunlight reflects =
off=20
the car.  Annie, excited, is taking the whole place in.  Background =
voices=20
sing Christmas carols.

					VOICES
				(Singing)=20
			We wish you a Merry Christmas,
			We wish you a Merry Christmas,=20
			We wish you a Merry Christmas,=20
			And a -Happy New Year.

					ROB=20
				(Over the singing)=20
			I've never been so relaxed as I have=20
			been since I moved out here, Max.  I=20
			want you to see my house.  I live=20
			right next to Hugh Hefner's house, Max. =20
			He lets me use the Jacuzzi.  And the=20
			women, Max, they're like the women in=20
			Playboy magazine, only they can move=20
			their arms and legs.

					ANNIE
 				(Laughing)=20
			You know, I can't get over that this is=20
			really Beverly Hills.

					VOICES=20
				(Singing)=20
			We wish you a Merry Christmas,
			And a Happy New Year.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, the architecture is really consistent,=20
			isn't it?  French next to-

					VOICES=20
				(Singing over the dialogue)
			Oh, Christmas ... tree,
			Oh, Christmas tree,
			How bright and green
			Our ...

					ALVY
			-Spanish, next to Tudor, next to Japanese.

					ANNIE=20
			God, it's so clean out here.

					ALVY=20
			It's that they don't throw their garbage=20
			away.  They make it into television shows.

					ROB=20
			Aw, come on, Max, give us a break, will=20
			yuh?  It's Christmas.=20

Annie starts snapping pictures of the view.

					ALVY=20
			Can you believe this is Christmas here?

					VOICES=20
				(Singing)=20
			Oh Christmas tree,
			Oh Christmas tree ...

They pass a large house with spacious lawn.  Sitting on the lawn is a =
Santa=20
Claus complete with sleigh and reindeer.  Voices continue to sing =
Christmas=20
carols; Annie continues to take pictures.

					ANNIE
			You know, it was snowing-it was snowing=20
			and really gray in New York yesterday.

					ROB=20
			No kidding?

					ALVY=20
			Right-well, Santa Claus will have=20
			sunstroke.

					ROB=20
			Max, there's no crime, there's no mugging.

					ALVY=20
			There's no economic crime, you know,=20
			but there's-there's ritual, religious-
			cult murders, you know, there's wheat-
			germ killers out here.

					ROB=20
			While you're out here, Max, I want you=20
			to see some of my TV show.  And we're=20
			invited to a big Christmas party.

They continue driving, now in a less residential area, passing a hot-dog =
stand.
"Tail-Pup" concession; people mill about eating hot dogs.

					VOICES=20
				(Singing, louder now)
			Remember Christ our Savior
			Was born on Christmas day
			To save us all ... from Satan's power
			As we were gone astray.

They pass a theater, the marquee announcing "House of Exorcism Messiah =
of Evil.
Rated R.  Starts at 7:15."

INT. TV CONTROL ROOM.

Several monitors line the wall in front of an elaborate console.  Rob =
and Alvy,
along with Charlie, the technician, stand in the small room watching the =

screens showing Rob as a television star on a situation comedy.  They =
chatter,=20
analyzing the footage, over the sounds of the taped television comedy.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping the chatter)=20
			Oh.

					ROB=20
			Look, now, Charlie, give me a big=20
			laugh here.

					ROB ON TV SCREEN=20
			A limousine to the track breakdown?

					ROB
 				(Watching)=20
			A little bigger.

TV monitors go black as the technician turns of the monitors to fix the =
laugh=20
track.

					ALVY=20
			Do you realize how immoral this all is?

					ROB
 			Max, I've got a hit series.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, I know; but you're adding fake=20
			laughs.

Technicians turn the monitors back on, showing Rob on the screen with =
another=20
character, Arnie.

					ARNIE=20
			Oh, I'm sorry.

					ROB ON TV SCREEN=20
			Arnie.

					ARNIE=20
			Yeah.

					ROB=20
				(Turning to the technician)=20
			Give me a tremendous laugh here, Charlie.

					ALVY=20
			Look, uh ...

Loud laughter from the TV monitors.

					ROB=20
				(To Alvy)=20
			We do the show live in front of an=20
			audience.

					ALVY=20
			Great, but nobody laughs at it 'cause=20
			your jokes aren't funny.

					ROB=20
			Yeah, well, that's why this machine=20
			is dynamite.

					ROB ON TV SCREEN=20
			You better lie down.  You've been in=20
			the sun too long.

					ROB=20
				(To the technician)=20
			Yeah ... uh, now give me a like a=20
			medium-size chuckle here ... and=20
			then a big hand.

The sounds of laughter and applause are heard from the TV.

					ALVY
				(Removing his glasses and=20
				rubbing his face)=20
			Is there booing on there?

The monitors show a woman on the screen.

					WOMAN=20
			We were just gonna fix you up with my=20
			cousin Dolores.

					ALVY=20
				(Overlapping the TV)=20
			Oh, Max, I don't feel well.

					ROB=20
			What's the matter?

					ALVY=20
			I don't know, I just got-I got very dizzy...=20
				(Coughing)=20
			I feel dizzy, Max.

					ROB=20
			Well, sit down.

					ALVY=20
				(Sitting down)=20
			Oh, Jesus.

					ROB=20
			You all right?

					ALVY=20
			I don't know, I mean, I-

					ROB=20
				(Crouching before Alvy, looking=20
				at him)=20
			You wanna lie down?

					ALVY=20
			No, no-my, you know, my stomach felt=20
			queasy all morning.  I just started=20
			getting ...

					ROB=20
			How about a ginger ale?

					ALVY=20
			Oh, Max ... no, I maybe I better lie=20
			down.

INT. HOTEL ROOM.

Alvy lies in bed, one elbow propped up, a doctor sitting next to him =
looking=20
concerned.  The doctor bolds out a plate of chicken; Alvy listlessly =
stares at=20
it. Annie, in the background, is on the phone.

					ANNIE=20
				(Talking into the phone)=20
			Yes.

					DOCTOR=20
				(Holding out the food)=20
			Why don't you just try to get a little=20
			of this down?  This is just plain chicken.

					ALVY
				(Taking a piece of chicken and=20
				holding it)=20
			Oh, oh, no, I can't-I can't eat this. =20
			I'm nauseous.=20
				(He gasps and makes sounds)=20
			If you could-if you could just give me=20
			something to get me through the next two=20
			hours, you know I-I have to go out to=20
			Burbank ... and give out an award on a=20
			TV show.

					ANNIE=20
				(On the phone, overlapping the=20
				doctor and Alvy)=20
			Well ... H-h huh ... Oh, good ... Yes,=20
			I'll tell him.

					DOCTOR=20
			Well, there's nothing wrong with you=20
			actually, so far as I can tell.  I mean,=20
			you have no fever, no ... no symptoms=20
			of anything serious.  You haven't been=20
			eating pork or shellfish.

Annie bangs up and moves over to Alvy.

					ANNIE=20
				(Sitting on the edge of the bed)=20
			Excuse me.  I'm sorry, I'm sorry, Doctor. =20
			Uh, Alvy-Alvy, that was the show.  They=20
			said everything is fine.  They found a=20
			replacement, so they're going to tape=20
			without you.

					ALVY
				(Making sounds)=20
			I'm nauseous.
				(He sighs and gasps)
			Oh, jesus, now I don't get to do the=20
			TV show?

Reacting, Alvy puts up his band in disgust, then starts eating the piece =
of=20
chicken he has been holding.  The doctor and Annie watch him, reacting.

					ANNIE
 			Yeah.  Listen, Doctor, I'm worried.

					DOCTOR=20
			Now, Mrs. Singer, I can't find anything --

					ALVY=20
			Christ!

					ANNIE=20
			Nothing at all?

					DOCTOR=20
			No, I think I can get a lab man up here.

					ALVY =20
				(Grabbing the rest of the chicken=20
				from the plate)=20
			Oh, jesus. Can I have the salt, please?

					ANNIE=20
			What do you mean?  Do you think he's-

					DOCTOR=20
				(Handing the salt to Alvy)=20
			Yes, excuse me.=20
				(To Annie)=20
			Perhaps it would be even better if we=20
			took him to the hospital for a day or two.

Alvy begins to eat.

					ANNIE=20
			Uh-huh ... Oh, hospital?

					DOCTOR=20
			Well, otherwise, there's no real way to=20
			tell what's going on.=20

					ALVY=20
				(Making sounds, gasping)=20
			This is not bad, actually.

EXT. BEVERLY HILLS STREET RESIDENTIAL AREA - DAY

Rob, Annie and Alvy in Rob's car pull into a long circular driveway as =
an=20
attendant walks over to the car.  A sprawling house is seen to the =
right; a=20
couple moves toward the front door, and the driveway is crowded with =
other=20
parked cars.  Loud music is heard.

					ALVY=20
				(Getting out of the car)=20
			Hey, don't tell me we're gonna hafta=20
			walk from the car to the house.  Geez,=20
			my feet haven't touched pavement since=20
			I reached Los Angeles.

INT. HOUSE

A Hollywood Christmas party is in session, complete with music, milling =
people,
circulating waiters bolding out trays of drinks.  It's all very casual. =
French=20
doors run the entire width of one wall; they are opened to the back =
lawn,=20
guests move from the room to outside and back in.  It is crowded; bits =
of=20
conversation and clinking glasses can be heard.  Two men, =
California-tanned,=20
stand by the French doors talking.

					1ST MAN=20
			Well, you take a meeting with him, I'll=20
			take a meeting with you if you'll take=20
			a meeting with Freddy.

					2ND MAN=20
			I took a meeting with Freddy.  Freddy=20
			took a meeting with Charlie.  You take=20
			a meeting with him.

					1ST MAN=20
			All the good meetings are taken.

									CUT TO:

FULL GROUP SHOT

A man stands talking, people in groups behind him.  Two born like =
gadgets are=20
attached to his shoulders; he's wearing a bizarre space costume.

					3RD MAN=20
			Right now it's only a notion, but I=20
			think I can get money to make it into=20
			a concept ... and later turn it into=20
			an idea.

									CUT TO:

Alvy and Rob stand near the French doors leading to the back lawn, =
eating and=20
drinking and watching the people walking in and out of the house.

					ROB=20
			You like this house, Max?

					ALVY=20
			M'hm.

					ROB=20
			I even brought a road map to get us to=20
			the bathroom.

					ALVY=20
			Whee, you shoulda told me it was Tony=20
			Lacey's party.

					ROB=20
			What difference does that make?

Alvy looks into the room, where Annie and Tony Lacey are having an =
animated=20
conversation.

ALVY=20
			I think he has a little thing for Annie.

					ROB=20
			Oh, no, no, that's bullshit, Max.  He=20
			goes with that girl over there.

					ALVY=20
			Where?

Rob nods his head toward a tall woman dressed all in white conversing =
with a=20
group of people close-by.

					ROB=20
			The one with the V.P.L.

					ALVY=20
			V.P.L.?

					ROB=20
			Visible panty line.  Max, she is gorgeous.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, she's a ten, Max, and that's great=20
			for you because you're -you're used to=20
			twos, aren't you?

					ROB=20
			There are no twos, Max.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, you're used to the kind with the-
			with the shopping bags walking through=20
			Central Park with the surgical masks=20
			on muttering.

					ROB=20
			M'hm.

					ALVY=20
			And ... uh-

					ROB=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			How do you like this couple, Max?

A couple moves over toward Rob and Alvy.  The man's arm is around the =
woman;=20
they stand very close.  In the background, Annie and Tony are still =
talking.

					ROB=20
			And I think they just came back from=20
			Masters and Johnson.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, intensive care ward.=20
				(Watching the woman in white)=20
			My God-hey, Max, I think she's ... I=20
			think she's giving me the eye.=20

As Rob and Alvy observe the guests, the woman in white starts walking =
toward=20
them.

					ROB=20
			If she comes over here, Max, my brain=20
			is going to turn into guacamole.

					ALVY
 			I'll handle it.  I'll handle it.  Hi.

					GIRL IN WHITE =20
			You're Alvy Singer, right?  Didn't=20
			we meet at EST?

					ALVY=20
				(Reacting)=20
			EST?  No, no, I was never to est.

					GIRL IN WHITE=20
			Then how can you criticize it?

					ALVY=20
			Oh.

					ROB=20
			Oh, he-he didn't say anything.

					ALVY=20
				(Laughing)=20
			No, no, I came out here to get some=20
			shock therapy, but there was an energy=20
			crisis, so I ... He's my-my food taster. =20
			Have you two met?

					ROB
				(Shaking his head)=20
			Hi.  How do you do.

					GIRL IN WHITE=20
			Do you taste to see if the food's poisoned?

					ALVY
 			Yeah, he's crazy.

The girl in white laughs.

					ALVY=20
 				(Looking at Rob and the girl)=20
			Hey, you guys are wearin' white. It must=20
			be in the stars.

					ROB=20
			Yeah.  Right.

					ALVY=20
			Uri Geller must be on the premises=20
			someplace.

					ROB=20
			We're gonna operate together.

Rob and the girl walk of together as the camera moves in on Tony and =
Annie=20
standing by the buffet table.

					TONY=20
			We just need about six weeks, in about=20
			six weeks we could cut a whole album.

					ANNIE
			I don't know, this is strange to me,=20
			you know.

					TONY
			just ... that's all you need.  You can=20
			come and stay here.

					ANNIE
			Oh.

					TONY=20
			There's a whole wing in this house.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Oh yeah, stay here?  U-huh.

					TONY=20
			You can have it to use.  Why-why are=20
			you smiling?

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			I don't know.  I don't know.

She picks up an hors doeuvre.

									CUT TO:

The two men still talking about meetings surrounded by other groups of =
people=20
milling about.

					1ST MAN=20
			Not only is he a great agent, but he=20
			really gives good meetings.

					2ND MAN  =20
			M'mm.

Tony, band in band with the girl in white, is leaving the party room =
with Alvy=20
and Annie to show them the rest of the house.

					TONY=20
			This is a great house, really.  Everything. =20
			Saunas, Jacuzzis, three tennis courts. =20
			You know who the original owners were? =20
			Nelson Eddy, then Legs Diamond.  Then=20
			you know who lived here?

					ALVY=20
			Trigger.

Annie and the girl in white laugh.

					TONY=20
			Charlie Chaplin.

					ALVY=20
			Hey.

					TONY=20
			Right before his un-American thing.

They stop in a den-like screening room.  A man is slouched back on one =
of the=20
comfortable sofas that fill the room.  It is much quieter in here; a =
contrast=20
to the noise and crowd downstairs.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, this place is great.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					TONY=20
			Uh, you guys are still-uh, you're still=20
			New Yorkers.

					ALVY =20
			Yeah, I love it there.

					ANNIE=20
				(Laughing)=20
			Yeah.

					TONY=20
			Well, I used to live there.  I used to=20
			live there for years.  You know, but=20
			it's gotten-it's so dirty now.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					ALVY=20
			I'm into garbage.  It's my thing.

					ANNIE=20
			Boy, this is really a nice screening=20
			room.  It's really a nice room.

					TONY=20
			Oh, and there's another thing about New=20
			York.  See ... you-you wanna see a movie,=20
			you have to stand in a long line.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					TONY
 			It could be freezing, it could be raining.

					ANNIE=20
			Yeah.

					TONY
			And here, you just-

					GIRL IN WHITE=20
			We saw "Grand Illusion" here last night.

					ALVY AND ANNIE=20
				(In unison)=20
			Oh, yeah?

					MAN ON THE SOFA=20
				(Looking over his shoulder at=20
				the group)=20
			That's a great film if you're high.=20
				(The group laughs, looking down=20
				at the man on the sofa. He looks=20
				up at them, smiling, a joint in=20
				his hand, and offers them a cigarette)=20
			Hey, you.

					TONY=20
				(Shaking his head no)=20
			Come and see our bedroom.  We did a=20
			fantastic lighting job.  Okay?

					ANNIE
 			Oh, good.  Okay.

					ALVY=20
			I'm cool.

Tony and the girl in white leave the room, Annie and Alvy following.

					ANNIE=20
				(Taking Alvy's arm)=20
			It's wonderful. I mean, you know they=20
			just watch movies all day.

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, and gradually you get old and die. =20
			You know it's important to make a little=20
			effort once in a while.

					ANNIE=20
			Don't you think his girl friend's=20
			beautiful?

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, she's got a great-lookin' fa- A=20
			pat on the androgynous side.  But it's...

They pass a man talking on the phone in the hallway.

					MAN ON THE PHONE=20
			Yeah, yeah.  I forgot my mantra.

As they come down stairs the party is still in big gear.  People are =
looser=20
now; conversations are more animated, some talk quietly in more intimate =

corners, some couples are dancing.  Alvy stands alone sipping a drink =
near the=20
huge Christmas tree.  A tall woman, passing by, shakes his hand, then =
leaves.=20
He continues to sip his drink, alone, watching Tony and Annie in the =
center of=20
the room dancing.

The screen shows a plane in flight, Los Angeles far below, then:

									CUT TO:

AIRPLANE.  INT. AIRPLANE

Annie and Alvy sit, the stewardess behind them serving other passengers. =
Annie
stares out the window bolding a coffee cup; Alvy reads.  Both are =
preoccupied,=20
thinking their own thoughts.

					ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER=20
				(To herself)=20
			That was fun.  I don't think California=20
			is bad at all.  It's a drag coming home.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER=20
				(To himself)=20
			Lotta beautiful women.  It was fun=20
			to flirt.

					ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER=20
				(As she sips coffee)=20
			I have to face facts. I-I adore Alvy,=20
			but our relationship doesn't seem to=20
			work anymore.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER=20
				(An open magazine lies in=20
				his lap)=20
			I'll have the usual trouble with Annie=20
			in bed tonight.  Whatta I need this?

					ANNIE'S VOICE-OVER=20
			If only I had the nerve to break up,=20
			but it would really hurt him.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER=20
			If only I didn't feel guilty asking=20
			Annie to move out.  It'd probably=20
			wreck her.  But I should be honest.

He looks over at Annie.

					ANNIE=20
				(Looking back at Alvy)=20
			Alvy, uh, let's face it.  You know=20
			something, don't think our relationship=20
			is working.

					ALVY=20
			Tsch, I know.  A relationship, I think,=20
			is-is like a shark, you know?  It has=20
			to constantly move forward or it dies.=20
				(He sighs)=20
			And I think what we got on our hands=20
				(Clearing his throat)=20
			is a dead shark.

INT. ALVY'S LIVING ROOM-DAY

A lighted Christmas tree stands in the middle of boxes, books, and the =
general=20
disarray of packing and figuring out what belongs to whom as Alvy helps =
Annie=20
move out.

					ALVY=20
				(Holding up a book)=20
			Whose "Catcher in the Rye" is this?

					ANNIE=20
				(Walking into the room with an=20
				armload of books)=20
			Well, let's see now ... If it has my=20
			name on it, then I guess it's mine.

					ALVY=20
				(Reacting)=20
			Oh, it sure has ... You know, you wrote=20
			your name in all my books, 'cause you=20
			knew this day was gonna come.

					ANNIE=20
				(Putting down the books and=20
				flipping back her hair)=20
			Well, uh, Alvy, you wanted to break up=20
			just as much as I do.

					ALVY=20
				(Riffling through the books)=20
			There's no-no question in my mind.  I=20
			think we're doing the mature thing,=20
			without any doubt.

					ANNIE=20
				(Holding a framed picture and=20
				moving about)=20
			Now, look, all the books on death and=20
			dying are yours and all the poetry books=20
			are mine.

					ALVY=20
				(Looking down at a book)=20
			This "Denial of Death".  You remember this?

					ANNIE=20
			Oh-

					ALVY=20
			This is the first book that I got you.

Annie goes over to Alvy.  They both look down at the book; the =
fireplace,=20
burning nicely, is behind them.

					ANNIE=20
			-God.

					ALVY=20
			Remember that day?

					ANNIE=20
			Right.  Geez, I feel like there's a=20
			great weight off my back.  M'mmm.

					ALVY=20
			Thanks, honey.

					ANNIE=20
				(Patting Alvy's shoulder)=20
			Oh, no, no, no, no, no.  I mean, you=20
			know, no, no, no, I mean, I think it's=20
			really important for us to explore new=20
			relationships and stuff like that.

She walks away.

					ALVY=20
			There's no-there's no question about=20
			that, 'cause we've given this ... uh,=20
			uh, I think a more than fair shot,=20
			you know?

He tosses the book into the carton.

					ANNIE=20
				(Off screen)=20
			Yeah, my analyst thinks this move is=20
			keen for me.

					ALVY=20
				(Off screen) =20
			Yeah, and I-I tru-  you know, I trust=20
			her, because my-my analyst recommended=20
			her.

					ANNIE=20
				(Walking in with another=20
				armload of books)=20
			Well, why should I put you through all=20
			my moods and hang-ups anyway?

					ALVY=20
			Right.  And you-and you know what the=20
			beauty part is?

					ANNIE=20
			What?

					ALVY=20
				(Holding a small box of buttons)=20
			We can always come back together again. =20
			Because there's no-there's no problem. =20
			'Cause ... Right.

					ANNIE=20
				(Overlapping)=20
			Exactly, but ... exactly.  Ooooh!

					ALVY=20
			You know, I-I-I don't think many couples=20
			could handle this.  You know, they could=20
			just break up and remain friends.

					ANNIE=20
				(Taking a button from a box)=20
			Hey, this one's mine, this button.
			This one, you rem-

					ALVY=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			Yeah.

					ANNIE=20
			I guess these are all yours.  Impeach, uh,=20
			Eisenhower ... Impeach Nixon ... Impeach=20
			Lyndon Johnson ... Impeach Ronald Reagan.

EXT. NEW YORK CITY STREET-DAY

People milling about on the sidewalk as Alvy walks out of a store and =
moves=20
toward the foreground.

					ALVY=20
				(Into the camera, to the audience)=20
			I miss Annie.  I made a terrible=20
			mistake.

A couple, walking down the street, stops as the man talks to Alvy.

					MAN ON THE STREET=20
			She's living in Los Angeles with=20
			Tony Lacey.

					ALVY=20
			Oh, yeah?  Well, if she is, then the=20
			hell with her!  If she likes that=20
			lifestyle, let her live there!  He's=20
			a jerk, for one thing.

					MAN ON THE STREET=20
			He graduated Harvard.

					ALVY
 			Yeah. He may- Listen, Harvard makes=20
			mistakes too, you know.  Kissinger=20
			taught there. =20

The couple strolls away as an older woman walks up to Alvy while others =
walk by.

					OLD WOMAN=20
			Don't tell me you're jealous?

					ALVY=20
			Yeah, jealous. A little bit like Medea.=20
			Lemme, lemme-can I show you something,=20
			lady?=20
				(He takes a small item from his=20
				pocket to show the woman)=20
			What I have here ... I found this in the=20
			apartment.  Black soap.  She used to wash=20
			her face eight hundred times a day with=20
			black soap. Don't ask me why.

					OLD WOMAN=20
			Well, why don't you go out with other=20
			women?

					ALVY=20
			Well, I-I tried, but it's, uh, you know,=20
			it's very depressing.

RECENT FLASHBACK - INT. ALVY'S COUNTRY KITCHEN

Alvy's arms and legs fill the screen as he slowly gets up from the floor =

bolding up a live lobster.  He puts it on a grill tray.

					ALVY=20
				(Pointing to the lobster)=20
			This always happens to me.  Quick, g-go=20
			get a broom.=20

His date, a girl wearing short shorts, leans against the sink and lights =
a=20
cigarette.  She makes no move to help.

					GIRL DATE=20
				(Smoking)=20
			What are you making such a big deal about?=20
				(As she talks, the lobster drops=20
				from the tray to the floor.  Alvy=20
				jumps away, then gingerly scrapes=20
				the tray toward the lobster)=20
			They're only lobsters.  Look, you're a=20
			grown man, you know how to pick up a=20
			lobster.

					ALVY=20
				(Looking up in stooped-over=20
				position)=20
			I'm not myself since I stopped smoking.

					GIRL DATE=20
				(Still leaning against the sink,=20
				her hand on her hip)=20
			Oh, when'd you quit smoking?=20

He gets up of the floor with the lobster on the tray.

					ALVY=20
			Sixteen years ago.

					GIRL DATE=20
				(Puzzled)=20
			Whatta you mean? =20

					ALVY=20
				(Mocking)=20
			Mean?

					GIRL DATE=20
			You stopped smoking sixteen years ago,=20
			is that what you said?  Oh, I-I don't=20
			understand.  Are you joking, or what?

									CUT TO:

A solitary Alvy walking along the FDR Drive where he had walked with =
Annie. -=20
The New York skyline is still in the background, the sea gulls go by, =
the fog=20
horn blows.  He walks slowly, moving off screen.

INT. ALVY'S BEDROOM - DAY

Alvy sits on his bed talking on the phone.

					ALVY=20
			Listen, honey, Central Park's turning=20
			green ... Yeah, I sa-I saw that lunatic=20
			that we-where we used to see ... with=20
			the, uh, uh, pinwheel hat and, you know,=20
			and the roller skates? . . . Listen,=20
			I-I want you to come back here ... Well,=20
			I-I-then I'm gonna come out there and=20
			getcha.

									CUT TO:

An airborne plane.

									CUT TO:

EXT. LOS ANGELES AIRPORT.

People milling about as Alvy, in the outside phone-booth center, talks.

					ALVY=20
			Whatta you mean, where am I? Where do-
			where do you think I am?  I'm-I'm out=20
			... I'm at the Los Angeles Airport. =20
			I flew in ...=20
				(Sniffling)=20
			Tsch, I-well, I flew in to see you ...=20
				(Muttering)=20
			Hey, listen, can we not debate this=20
			on-on the telephone because I'm, you=20
			know, I-I feel that I got a temperature=20
			and I'm-I'm getting my-my chronic Los=20
			Angeles nausea. I-I don't feel so good.

Alvy's conversation is still heard as the screen shows him behind the =
wheel of=20
a car on a busy street; he causes a near-accident by jerking the car too =
slowly
toward an intersection.

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER=20
			Well, where-wherever you wanna meet, I=20
			don't care.  I'll-I'll drive in.  I=20
			rented a car I'm driving ... that ...=20
			Whatta you mean?  What-why is that such=20
			a miracle?  I'm driving myself --

EXT. OUTDOOR CAF=8A - DAY

People sit at umbrellaed tables with checkered tablecloths at a Sunset=20
Boulevard outdoor cafe.  Street traffic goes by while they dine.  =
There's a=20
mild California breeze.  The restaurant is somewhat crowded as Alvy =
makes his=20
way around the tables looking about.  He finally sits down at an empty =
table;=20
nearby sits a woman with a younger man.  A waitress brings Alvy a menu =
and=20
waits for his order.

					ALVY
				(To the waitress)=20
			I'm gonna...I'm gonna have the alfalfa=20
			sprouts and, uh, a plate of mashed yeast.

Annie, wearing a flowered dress and wide hat, moves into view.  Alvy,
noticing her, watches as she walks over to his table.  He rises and they =
shake=20
hands.

					ANNIE=20
			Hi.

Alvy wipes at his nose as he stares.  He smiles, the street traffic =
moving=20
behind him. Annie smiles back.

					ALVY=20
			You look very pretty.

					ANNIE=20
			Oh, no, I just lost a little weight,=20
			that's all.=20
				(Alvy adjusts his glasses, not=20
				exactly knowing where to start; =09
				a bit uneasy)=20
			Well, you look nice.

					ALVY=20
				(Nodding his head)=20
			You see, I-I've been thinking about it=20
			and I think that we should get married.

					ANNIE=20
				(Adjusting her sunglasses)=20
			Oh, Alvy, come on.

					ALVY=20
			Why?  You wanna live out here all year? =20
			It's like living in Munchkin Land.

					ANNIE=20
				(Looking around)=20
			Well, whatta you mean?  I mean, it's=20
			perfectly fine out here.  I mean, Tony's=20
			very nice and, uh, well, I meet people=20
			and I go to parties and-and we play tennis. =20
			I mean, that's ... that's a very big step=20
			for me, you know?  I mean ...=20
				(Reacting, Alvy looks down at=20
				his hands, then up)=20
			I'm able to enjoy people more.

					ALVY=20
				(Sadly)=20
			So whatta you ... You're not gonna come=20
			back to New York?

					ANNIE=20
				(Smiling)=20
			What's so great about New York?  I mean,=20
			it's a dying city.  You read "Death in=20
			Venice."

					ALVY=20
			Hey, you didn't read "Death in Venice"
			till I bought it for yuh.

					ANNIE=20
			That's right, that's right.=20
				(Still smiling)=20
			You only gave me books with the word=20
			"death" in the titles.

					ALVY=20
				(Nodding his head and gesturing)=20
			That's right, 'cause it's an important=20
			issue.

					ANNIE=20
			Alvy, you're incapable of enjoying life,=20
			you know that?  I mean, your life is New=20
			York City.  You're just this person. =20
			You're like this island unto yourself.

					ALVY=20
				(Toying with his car keys)=20
			I can't enjoy anything unless I ... unless=20
			everybody is.  I-you know, if one guy is=20
			starving someplace, that's ... you know,=20
			I-I ... it puts a crimp in my evening.=20
				(Looking down at his hands, sadly)=20
			So wanna get married or what?

					ANNIE=20
				(Seriously)=20
			No. We're friends.  I wanna remain friends.

					ALVY=20
				(In disbelief)=20
			Okay.=20
				(Louder, to the waitress)=20
			Check, please.  Can I -can I ...=20
			Can I ... Can I ...

					ANNIE=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			You're mad, aren't you?

					ALVY=20
				(Shaking his head)=20
			No.=20
				(Then nodding)=20
			Yes, of course I'm mad, because you=20
			love me, I know that.

					ANNIE=20
			Alvy, I can't say that that's true at=20
			this point in my life.  I really just=20
			can't say that that's true.  I mean,=20
			you know how wonderful you are.  I=20
			mean, you know ... you're the reason=20
			that I got outta my room and that I=20
			was able to sing, and-and-and, you know,=20
			get more in touch with my feelings and=20
			all that crap.  Anyway, look, I don't=20
			wanna- Listen, listen, listen, uh=20
				(Laughing)=20
			h'h, so whatta you up to anyway, huh?

					ALVY
				(Shrugging his shoulders)=20
			The usual, you know. Uh, tryin't'write.=20
			I'm workin' on a play.=20
				(Sighing)=20
			Jesus.  So whatta yuh saying?  That=20
			you're not comin' back to New York with
			me?

He nods his head in disbelief.

					ANNIE=20
				(Nodding)=20
			No!=20
				(Pauses)=20
			Look, I gotta go.

She starts to rise.

					ALVY=20
			You mean that ...=20
				(He gets up and starts following=20
				her past diners at other tables)=20
			I-I-I-I flew three thousand miles to=20
			see you.

					ANNIE=20
			I'm late.

					ALVY=20
			Air miles, you know.  I mean, you=20
			know what that does to my stomach?

They move down the steps of the cafe' toward the parking lot.

					ANNIE=20
			If you must know, it's a hectic time=20
			for Tony.  The Grammys are tonight.

					ALVY=20
			The what?

					ANNIE=20
			The Grammys.  He's got a lotta records=20
			up for awards.

					ALVY=20
			You mean they give awards for that=20
			kind o' music?

					ANNIE
 			Oh!

					ALVY=20
			I thought just earplugs.

Annie gets into her car.  Alvy moves over to his rented convertible.

					ANNIE=20
			Just forget it, Alvy, okay?  Let's=20
			just forget the conversation.

She closes the door, starts the motor.

					ALVY
				(Yelling after her)=20
			Awards! They do nothing but give out=20
			awards!  I can't believe it.  Greatest,=20
			greatest fascist dictator, Adolf Hitler! =20

Annie drives away. Alvy gets behind the wheel, starts the motor. Putting =
the=20
car in gear, he inadvertently moves forward, hitting a bunch of trash =
cans with
a loud crash. Putting the car in reverse, Alvy notices a beige car that =
has=20
just turned into the parking lot. For a brief moment, the screen shows a =

flashback of the bumper-car ride at the Brooklyn amusement park.  Alvy's =
father
is on the Platform directing traffic; young Alvy is in a small car =
bumping=20
others right and left.  Alvy, hack in the parking lot, backs up his =
convertible,
purposefully smashing the side of the beige car as another flashback of =
bumper-
car ride appears, this time-as, Alvy's father directs traffic-a Marine =
in a=20
small car bits the back end of a soldier's car, and Alvy, back in the =
parking=20
lot, moves his car over to another parked car and bits it full force.

Another flashback appears. people in the small cars really racing around =
the=20
track now, bumping into one another over and over again, Alvy's father=20
directing the flow, as the film cuts back to the parking lot, where Alvy =

reverses the convertible and rams it into the front end of yet another =
car.

He sits behind the wheel as people rush out of various cars and as =
sirens=20
start blaring, coming closer and closer, stopping finally as a =
motorcycle cop=20
gets off beside Alvy's car and walks over to him.

					ALVY=20
				(Getting out of the car)=20
			Officer, I know what you're gonna say. =20
			I'm-I'm not a great driver, you know,=20
			I-I have some problems with-with-with-

					OFFICER=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			May I see your license, please?

					ALVY=20
			Sure.=20
				(Searching, he finally fishes=20
				his license out of his pocket)=20
			just don't-don't get angry, you know=20
			what I mean?  'Cause I-I have - I have=20
			my-my license here.  You know, it's a=20
			rented car.  And I've ...

He drops the license and it falls to the ground.

					OFFICER
 			Don't give me your life story=20
				(Looking at the piece of paper=20
				on the ground)
			-just pick up the license.

					ALVY=20
			Pick up the license.  You have to ask=20
			nicely 'cause I've had an extremely=20
			rough day.  You know, my girl friend-

					OFFICER=20
				(Interrupting)=20
			Just give me the license, please.

					ALVY=20
			Since you put it that way.=20
				(He laughs)=20
			It's hard for me to refuse.=20
				(He leans over, picks up the=20
				license, then proceeds to rip=20
				it up.  He lets the pieces go;=20
				they float to the ground)
			... have a, I have a terrific problem=20
			with authority, you know.  I'm... it's=20
			not your fault.  Don't take it personal.

									CUT TO:

INT. JAIL-CELLS CORRIDOR.

A guard moves down the ball to the cell where, Alvy stands with other =
inmates.
He unlocks the door and opens it, letting Alvy out.

					ALVY=20
			So long, fellas.  Keep in touch.=20

He walks down the corridor off screen.

EXT. A STREET IN FRONT OF THE COURT HOUSE - DAY

Policemen are walking up and down the courthouse steps as Alvy and Rob =
move=20
out the door of the building, down the steps to the street.

					ROB=20
			Imagine my surprise when I got your=20
			call, Max.

					ALVY=20
				(Carrying his jacket over his=20
				shoulder)=20
			Yeah.  I had the feeling that I got=20
			you at a bad moment.  You know, I heard=20
			high-pitched squealing.

They walk over to Rob's convertible and get in.

					ROB=20
				(Starting the car)=20
			Twins, Max.  Sixteen-year-olds.  Can you=20
			imagine the mathematical possibilities?

					ALVY=20
				(Reacting)=20
			You're an actor, Max.  You should be=20
			doing Shakespeare in the Park.

					ROB=20
			Oh, I did Shakespeare in the Park, Max. =20
			I got mugged.  I was playing Richard the=20
			Second and two guys with leather jackets=20
			stole my leotard.

He puts on an elaborate helmet and goggles.

					ALVY=20
				(Looking at Rob's helmet)=20
			Max, are we driving through plutonium?

					ROB=20
			Keeps out the alpha rays, Max.  You=20
			don't get old.

									CUT TO:

INT. REHEARSAL HALL OF A THEATER.

An actor and actress sit on hard wooden chairs in a sparse rehearsal =
ball. =20
They face each other.  The actress resembles Annie; the actor, Alvy.

					ACTOR=20
			You're a thinking person.  How can you=20
			choose this lifestyle?

					ACTRESS=20
			What is so incredibly great about New=20
			York?  It's a dying city!  You-you read=20
			"Death in Venice".

					ACTOR=20
			You didn't read "Death in Venice" till=20
			I gave it to you!

					ACTRESS=20
			Well, you only give me books with the=20
			word "death" in the title.

The camera pulls back, showing Alvy sitting with two men at a table set =
up=20
near the actors.  A mirror, running the whole width of the wall, =
reflects the=20
two actors, a script lying on the table between them.  It is obvious now =
that=20
they are rehearsing a scene that Alvy wrote.

					ACTOR=20
				(In mirrored reflection)=20
			It's an important issue.

					ACTRESS=20
				(In mirrored reflection)=20
			Alvy, you are totally incapable of=20
			enjoying life.

The camera moves back to actual actor and actress.

					ACTRESS=20
			You're like New York.  You're an island.

					ACTOR=20
				(Rising with emotion)=20
			Okay, if that's all that we've been=20
			through together means to you, I guess=20
			it's better if we just said goodbye,=20
			once and for all!  You know, it's funny,=20
			after all the serious talks and passionate=20
			moments that it ends here ... in a health
			-food restaurant on Sunset Boulevard. =20
			Goodbye, Sunny.

The actor begins to leave as the actress jumps up from her chair.

					ACTRESS=20
			Wait!  I'm-I'm gonna ... go with you.=20
				(The actor comes back. They embrace)=20
			I love you.

The camera cuts to Alvy, who turns and looks straight into the camera.

					ALVY=20
				(To the audience, gesturing)=20
			Tsch, whatta you want?  It was my first=20
			play.  You know, you know how you're=20
			always tryin' t' get things to come out=20
			perfect in art because, uh, it's real=20
			difficult in life.  Interestingly, however,=20
			I did run into Annie again.  It was on the=20
			Upper West Side of Manhattan.

Annie, singing "Seems Like Old Times, " overlaps Alvy's speech and =
continues=20
over the next scene, where Alvy, standing in front of a Manhattan =
theater,=20
shakes hands with Annie and her escort.  The theater marquee reads =
"OPHULS=20
PRIZE FILM: 'THE SORROW AND THE PITY'."

					ALVY'S VOICE
				(Over the theater scene and,=20
				Annie's singing)=20
			She had moved back to New York.  She was=20
			living in SoHo with some guy.=20
				(Laughing)=20
			And when I met her she was, of all things,=20
			dragging him in to see "The Sorrow and the=20
			Pity."  Which I counted as a personal=20
			triumph.  Annie and I ...=20
				(Alvy's voice continues over the=20
				scene shot through a window of=20
				Manhattan cafe showing Alvy and=20
				Annie sitting at a table, laughing=20
				and enjoying themselves)=20
			... we had lunch sometime after that, and,=20
			uh, just, uh, kicked around old times.

A series of flashbacks following in quick succession while Annie =
continues to=20
sing:

Annie and Alvy going up the FDR Drive, the day they met playing tennis, =
Annie=20
driving, Alvy bolding up partially eaten sandwich.

Annie and Alvy in the Hamptons house kitchen, Annie banding a live =
lobster to=20
Alvy, who drops it in the pot on the stove.

Annie and Alvy walking side by side by the shoreline.

Alvy at the tennis club, packing his bag, as he looks over his shoulder =
and=20
sees Annie, hands on her face, then clapping, as she offers him a ride =
home=20
in her car.

Annie opening the door to Alvy the night he came over to kill the =
spider; Annie
and, Alvy in the bookstore buying the "Death" titles; Annie and, Alvy in =

their Hamptons house, Annie reading a school catalogue, the night Alvy =
puts=20
in the red light.

The memories continue to flash on the screen: Annie and Alvy at a =
friend's=20
house, Alvy blowing the cocaine all over the sofa; Annie and Alvy =
playing=20
tennis; Annie and Alvy having a picture taken backstage at the college=20
performance in Annie's hometown; Alvy bolding Annie close, the night he =
came=20
over to kill the spider.

And continue: Annie carrying her luggage and clothes into Alvy's =
bedroom, Alvy=20
following, the day she first moved into his apartment.  Annie holding up =
her=20
sexy birthday present from Alvy, then leaning over and kissing him; =
Annie and=20
Alvy walking down a city street, holding each other close; sitting on =
the park
bench, observing the people; and kissing, on the FDR Drive, the New York =
City=20
skyline behind them.
The music stops.

Returning to the present, the camera, focusing through the cafe window, =
shows=20
Annie and Alvy across street.  They look about at the city traffic.  =
Lunch is=20
over; it's time.

Alvy and Annie shake hands and kiss each other friendly like.  Annie =
crosses=20
the street, Alvy watching her go.  Then he turns, and slowly walks down =
the=20
street off screen.  His voice is heard over the scene:

					ALVY'S VOICE-OVER=20
			After that it got pretty late.  And we=20
			both hadda go, but it was great seeing=20
			Annie again, right?  I realized what a=20
			terrific person she was and-and how much=20
			fun it was just knowing her and I-I=20
			thought of that old joke, you know, this-
			this-this guy goes to a psychiatrist and=20
			says, "Doc, uh, my brother's crazy.  He=20
			thinks he's a chicken." And, uh, the=20
			doctor says, "Well, why don't you turn=20
			him in?" And the guy says, "I would, but=20
			I need the eggs." Well, I guess that's=20
			pretty much how how I feet about=20
			relationships.  You know, they're totally=20
			irrational and crazy and absurd and ...=20
			but, uh, I guess we keep goin' through it=20
			because, uh, most of us need the eggs.

THE END

									DISSOLVES INTO:

BLACK BACKGROUND;=20

credits popping on and of in white.